The Truth about Edward & Bella
by zgirl21
Summary: After a series of misunderstandings, will the new girl with a mission and the player with an attitude learn that people are rarely what they seem to be? Featuring Doucheward/Aviatorward and Bella the Snark. M for language and lemony good times.
1. Zero Tolerance Policy

**Yeah, so...I've been cheating on Bleeding Love. Sorry. **

**Anyways, this is something I've been kicking around for awhile and to be completely honest, it's such a welcome change from my other little project...I can't even tell you. I've been sitting on this for a couple days, so send your thanks to brighteyes87 for convincing me to just post it. **

**This is probably a recod-long post for me but it kinda needed to be to set everything up. ****You'll probably notice a huge change in writing style (and I'm loving it, by the way) and a gratuitous use of bad, bad language and future naughtiness...so, if that's not exactly your thing then, I guess you know what you should probably do. **

**But, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it. Enjoy.**

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THE TRUTH ABOUT EDWARD & BELLA

Chapter One

BPOV

I wouldn't consider myself high maintenance or difficult to please but come the fuck on…this place was boring as hell. It didn't help that I hadn't seen the sun since I left Phoenix. God, I missed that. I guess that saying about taking things for granted was way too true…now I was stuck in this gloomy, rainy piece of shit town. I missed the heat and the warmth, the green…everything was gross and brown here…and my friends who were probably having a great fucking time right now and I missed my mom…

Charlie was nice enough but I barely knew the guy. I don't think a more awkward exchange has ever occurred between a father and daughter than when he picked me up from the airport. The way he held his arms stiffly at his sides, keeping as much distance from me as possible, he looked about as uncomfortable as I felt. The car ride home, in his police cruiser, was filled with nothing about awkward silences and forced small talk. So when he pulled up in front of my 'new' house, both of us let out a simultaneous sigh of relief. For the next few hours, I just holed myself up in my room, unpacking and repeating my calming mantra over and over: _This was your decision, nobody forced you to come here, this was your decision…_

I knew I needed to get my shit together because if I didn't, the next few months were really going to suck. Even though I already hated it here, and I'd only actually been here for a total of three hours, I resigned myself to just being unhappy instead of plain old miserable. So imagine my surprise when that tiny, spiky-haired energizer bunny poked her head in my door.

"Hi! Charlie let me in…I'm Alice Brandon, I live next door…it's so great to finally meet you!"

She bounded over to me like a puppy and threw her arms around me like we were long lost friends or something.

"Uh…hi?"

I must have blinked a few times in shock because her eyes widened. Every person needs at least three feet of personal space and that crazy mini-me had just invaded mine.

"Sorry," she grinned sheepishly. "I didn't mean to just barge in here...I'm just so excited that you're finally here!"

What the hell?

"Uh…what are you talking about?"

"Oh, Charlie's been talking about you for weeks! I can't even tell you how boring it is in this neighborhood…nobody my age around, that's for sure so I bet you can guess how I excited I was when I found out you were moving here! So how do you like it so far? I know Forks doesn't seem like anything special, but as long as you can find some people to have fun with you'll be fine…"

Alice winked at me before stepping back to survey my room. Well, now this was embarrassing…boxes and clothes thrown everywhere but you could at least see the carpet if you looked hard enough…needless to say, I was definitely not expecting any visitors, or more accurately, intruders.

"Wow, this place looks like a disaster area." Alice mumbled under her breath.

"Yeah, you're telling me. I just got here a couple of hours ago so I haven't had much time to…"

Alice just waved that off and pushed up her sleeves. "Don't worry about it…where do you want me to start?"

"You don't have to do that. I'm sure you have a million better things to do than help me unpack."

The little pixie just waved that off again and shrugged. "I don't have anything else to do…besides, if we'll be late for the party tonight if I don't help you."

Party? Things were starting to look up for Forks.

I cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "A party, huh? What makes you think the Police Chief's daughter would be interested in a party?"

She perched her hands on her tiny hips and pouted a little. "I don't know what you're talking about Bella, everyone likes a good party and my cousin's are the best. Well, the best you'll find around here anyway."

I just laughed and pointed to the box closest to her feet. "You can start with that one. It's just clothes and there's a bunch of hangers in the closet."

We got to work and I was really enjoying the first few moments of silence since I'd been in Alice's company when I heard a high-pitched squeal coming from her side of my bedroom.

"Oh my God, Bella! You have to wear this tonight!" She held up a shimmery, practically transparent black tube top and swung it around her finger.

"Ughh…yeah, it's been a while since I wore that." I grimaced at the memory of the last time I had been wearing that particular top. Not my finest moment.

"Well, you're gonna wear it tonight…geez, Bella, if I didn't know any better, judging by some of your, uh, clothes, I'd say you were a party girl back in Phoenix. So…am I right or am I right?" She said with a sly smile that made me a little nervous.

"Well…I guess you could say that."

Her face fell a little and she actually looked disappointed. "But you're not anymore though?"

I shrugged and went back to unpacking as I spoke. "Since I'm in a new town and you know, the whole getting a fresh start thing…I don't know, I guess I just don't want to be known as 'that' girl. You know?"

Her brow furrowed and she tilted her head to the side a little. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to process this new information about me.

I don't know what possessed me to keep talking but there was just something about my tiny new neighbor that made me feel comfortable for the first time since I'd arrived in Forks.

"It's not like I was a slut or anything back home, well…at least I don't think I was," Alice snickered a little but I just flung a shoe at her. "Shut up…anyways…I still know how to have a good time, alright? And I'm not planning on changing that…just the _way_ I have fun, so to speak."

Alice looked up from the box she had her head buried in with a confused look on her face. "What do you mean?"

I fidgeted a little, feeling kind of strange telling her this since I hadn't actually told anyone this before.

"Let's just say, I don't want to just show up here and be the new girl that everyone thinks they can fuck. Besides, I've seen the way the guys in Phoenix panted after any new girls at school. It was like a fucking competition between them all or something to see who would get to her first and that's not going to be me. I think part of it is that I'm just sick of those assholes in general. You know, the ones who think they're God's gift to women and that every single girl wants to suck their dick…I'm so done with those guys. I want a goddamn relationship, you know what I mean? I think I deserve that shit. And I'm through with stupid, drunk hookups with guys who you think will call you but when they do call you, it's only for another hookup but never anything else."

Alice's mouth opened slightly at my rant. It took her a moment to finally respond, but when she did, her voice was soft and quiet. "I know exactly what you mean, Bella."

I nodded and kept going. "Why is it too much to ask to want more than just something physical from a guy? Why can't they just all be mind-readers or something and know exactly what we're thinking and exactly what we want and just fucking do it already! That's all I want. Why is that so fucking hard though? I'm serious; the next guy I sleep with is going to be my goddamn boyfriend."

Alice chuckled and shook her head. "Well, all I can say is you're going to have a hard time pulling that off here, especially since our school is infested with assholes."

I groaned and rubbed my hand over my eyes. "Great. There's got be one though, right?"

She just laughed. "If there is, I haven't met him yet, Bella."

I could feel my face fall in disappointment, not for myself so much but for Alice. "You mean you don't have any prospects in that arena at all?"

"Not one that would give me the time of day…oh…that reminds me. There're probably a few guys I should warn you about then…I'll point them out to you at the party tonight. Let's see…which douchebag should I start with?"

"How about the one you were just talking about?" I asked curiously.

She quickly shook her head. "He's not worth it…the only reason he evens knows I'm alive is because he's my cousin's best friend. Speaking of which, I suppose we'll just start with douchebag number one…and probably the one you need to watch out for the most…my cousin, Edward Cullen. He is, without a doubt, everything you just described to a damn 't'. I have a feeling, too, that you are exactly the kind of girl he tends to take a liking to…that stupid motherchucker needs to be taken down a peg anyway. My Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Elizabeth are filthy fuckin' rich and that kid gets whatever and whoever he wants."

"Sounds about right."

Mental note: Stay the fuck away from Edward Cullen.

"Anyways," Alice chirped on but the edge in her voice became more prominent at the mention of her aunt and uncle. "That idiot likes to say the only reason I'm allowed in his parties is because we're related but…sometimes I wish we weren't. Scratch that, it's actually a rare occasion I'm glad we're related. Little does he know the only reason I attend his parties is because there's nothing else to do around this shit town and I get free booze out of it. Uncle Carlisle is quite the collector of assorted wine and spirits…just so you know…"

She winked and I had to smile at what she was hinting at. Maybe she was right…all you had to do was know the right people around here and this town wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Alright. Who else?"

She twisted her mouth in thought. "Well, there's Mike Newton…he's an asshat. Then there's Tyler Crowley…also an asshat. Like I said, I'll point them out to you later…oh, and bitchfaces number one and two: Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley. They're always all over my cousin's junk…it's so sick…they claim to be best friends but they're always trying to one-up each other when it comes to him, shit, they basically share him…it's gross. Anyways, I hope they'll be enough to keep him away from you tonight."

"Well, at least that takes care of that. And maybe if I'm not distracted by stupid boys, I might actually have a really good time tonight. Screw 'em."

She clapped her thighs like I had just made revealed a huge discovery. "There you go. Thinking big…I like it. This whole philosophy you have…not letting guys fuck with you and all that…I think I'm going to have to take notes. You know Bella, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship."

I laughed heartily, the first real laugh I'd experienced since coming here. "You know what? I think so too, Alice."

Before I knew it, my self-induced seclusion in my room turned into an all-out girls' night. We even got my iPod going, blasting out that awesome new Kelly Clarkson song, "I Do Not Hook Up"; so fucking fitting. My new lease on life, or at least when it came to guys, was already sitting pretty well with me. Over the next hour or so, I learned that Alice's mother, Esme, was an English teacher at Forks High and they had lived next to Charlie since she was five, when her dad (and Carlisle's brother) walked out on them. She seemed a little more restless than usual when talking about her parents. It was an obvious sore spot with her and one that I definitely knew a thing or two about. I, in turn with all this sharing shit, divulged that I hadn't seen Charlie in almost six years and had barely remembered what his house even looked like, let alone what he was like. As it turned out, we had more in common than we realized.

We shared a mutual love for Heath Ledger and a mutual hatred for those gay Jonas Brothers (why do they wear such tight pants??)…we also shared the same taste in clothes too, which was a surprise to both of us. I tried getting some more information about Alice's mystery man but she clammed up when he came up in passing so I figured it was best to just let it go for now…there was definitely something going on there and I was a little surprised that she didn't want to share that with me, since I had practically bared my soul to her when it came to guys. Still, I made another mental note to myself for the party: figure out who the hell this guy was and what the hell he did to Alice.

It was crazy; I'd barely known the girl for two hours and I was already feeling protective of her like we were besties. This was definitely going to be an adjustment for me…sure, I had friends in Phoenix, but compared to Alice, they seemed more like acquaintances than the kind of friend you could pour your heart out to.

She chattered on about some of the things going on at school and I shuddered at her mention of prom. Thankfully, that one went unnoticed. Prom was the root of all evil but, judging by how excited Alice seemed about it, I didn't have the heart to tell her that. Alice kept going, pausing every once in a while to comment on a picture or some perfume of mine, and I learned she only had one, 'real and true' friend at Forks, besides me now of course, and that was Rosalie Hale. Apparently, she was giving us a ride to the party so I had that to look forward to.

Before either of us knew it, my room was actually starting to look like someone lived there and not like a tornado flew through it. Alice was flitting around my room like the energizer bunny she was, bouncing from one spot to another to fix and situate my things in 'the proper set-up', or so she said. Next was hair and makeup—she had to make a quick dash over to her house to grab her clothes and makeup bag—and even though I was perfectly capable of doing it myself, I let her go a little nuts with the curling iron and eyeliner. Of all the things I'd learned about Alice that day, I'd learned that she was first and foremost a caretaker, so I let her do it.

And damn did she ever. I barely recognized myself. My eyes were smoky, my hair unusually shiny and pretty with big, bouncy curls. She had even gotten me to squeeze into that little jean skirt I hadn't worn since New Year's, and of course, the little black tube top.

"You look hot. I mean seriously, Bella, h-o-t. You wanna know what the best part about it is?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "All those idiots at the party are going to be following you around like the dogs they are but you're not going to give a shit about any of them. I love it!"

I tugged on the hem of my skirt, willing it to hang a little lower, at least until I was out of Charlie's line of sight. "Well, let's hope they're _all _not following me around…wouldn't want to have pull out my pepper spray my first night here."

Alice chuckled and scurried off to answer her phone. I heard her talking excitedly across the room while I tried to figure out a way to make my skirt magically grow longer. She snapped it shut with a little too much enthusiasm. "Rosalie's on our street! She'll be here in, like, a minute…let's go!"

She let out a tiny squeal of excitement and grabbed my hand to lead me out the door. I somehow managed to snatch my purse as I followed out the door and down the stairs, only to run smack into Alice, who had skidded to a stop. Charlie, naturally, was leaning lazily against the wall directly across from us, his arms crossed over his chest. I could tell he was doing his best impression of 'the stern father look' but it wasn't really working.

"So…you ladies are going somewhere tonight, right?" He asked with a small gulp.

Thank God for Alice. She stepped right in and saved me from the inevitable awkward exchange. "We're just going to a little get-together tonight, Chief Swan. Nothing too crazy, I promise."

"Uh huh, and where exactly is this get-together taking place, Alice?" Again with the stern look. He wasn't fooling either of us.

I wasn't surprised at all when Alice put on her best "I'm-innocent-I-swear" face and smiled kindly up at my almost-won-over father. Another thing I'd learned about Alice that day: it was difficult as hell to say no to her.

"At my cousin's. You know, he has those little get-togethers after all his baseball games."

That one didn't sit as well with Charlie. His eyes narrowed, shifting suspiciously from Alice to me. Apparently, he had heard of Edward Cullen's 'little get-togethers'. He'd probably even busted a few of them.

"When you say 'cousin', I assume you're referring to Edward Cullen?" He bit out. Now I was starting to buy the whole stern father act.

Alice blanched for a moment and quickly plotted her next move. She recovered almost immediately and the sweet, sugary smile reappeared.

"Well, yeah," she laughed. "How many other cousins do I have? Anyways, Chief Swan, there's only going to be about ten or twelve people there, real small, we'll probably just watch movies and play foosball or something like that. Besides, don't you think this is a great opportunity for Bella to meet some people before she starts school on Monday?"

How could Charlie argue with that? I sure as hell couldn't. Go Alice.

Charlie blinked in surprise and I could tell that he hadn't really been expecting Alice to play the new girl in town card. He probably should've known better.

"Well, I don't see why you girls need to be dressed like that for just a little 'get-together'." He stressed. He was definitely grasping at straws now.

Alice looked down at her outfit, then over at me, then back at Charlie like what he had said was the most offensive thing she'd ever heard.

"Well, this is how girls dress, Chief Swan." She said slowly, as if she was talking to a two year old.

He rubbed the back of his neck with a pained expression on his face and I knew Alice had triumphed. "Alright girls…but I'd like you home by 1, Bella…and be safe…please."

Alice nodded profusely while I just stared dumbly back at him in disbelief that she had gotten him to give in that easily.

"Don't worry, Chief Swan, I'll take good care of her!" Alice called out as she pulled me out the door and over to the car parked in my driveway.

As the door shut behind us, I heard Charlie yelling: "Bring your pepper spray!"

I slid into the electric blue Mustang and came face to face with a fucking supermodel. The blonde bombshell stared at me for a moment with a pair of icy blue eyes that I was sure made every pair of testicles in Forks shrivel up and I fought the urge to shiver. She extended a perfectly manicured hand out to me and I gingerly took it. Godammit. This girl made me feel like a fucking troll.

"Hey Bella, I'm Rosalie…Alice has told me all about you. It's good to finally meet you." She said in a kind, almost warm voice. Okay, so maybe she wasn't such an ice queen after all.

"Hi...it's nice to meet you too." I offered, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

"Are you ready to get your drink on?" Rosalie asked with a sly smile as she pulled onto the street.

"Ready as I'll ever be..."

"Oh! Rosalie I have to tell you…" Alice was practically bouncing in her seat she was so excited.

"What, my little bundle of energy?" Rosalie asked, winking at me in the rearview mirror.

"Bella has this awesome philosophy about men...she's decided that she doesn't want anything to do with all the tools that live in this stupid town and the next guy she sleeps with has to be her boyfriend. Isn't that absolutely fantastic?" She squealed.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at Alice. "God, you sound like Eric. And yes, Bella, I think that's pretty awesome. What brought this on?"

"Just sick of the same old assholes I guess." I called from the backseat.

Rosalie sighed as she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. "I wish I had your self-control."

"What do you mean?"

"Rosalie is currently in the midst of an on-again booty call," Alice pounced. "Her and Emmett always end up going back to each other…"

"Shut the fuck up, Alice. Just because you can't get Jasper Whitlock to have a full-length conversation with you doesn't mean you have to refer to what Emmett and I have as a booty-call. That's pretty fucking cold."

"Why?" Alice asked, cocking her head playfully to the side. I just watched, mesmerized by their banter.

"Booty-call implies that we're nothing to each other but sex. Emmett and I, my dear Alice, are fuck buddies. There's a difference."

"Pssht…whatever you say, ho."

"Fuck you. Emmett's dumb as a box of rocks but he definitely knows what he's doing in other areas…one in particular…so don't take your sexual frustrations out on me, bitch." Rosalie said with a smile. Apparently, this was normal for them. I could get used to this pretty quickly.

"So Bella," Rosalie turned her attention back to me. "I'm sure Alice gave you the rundown on which retards to avoid like the plague."

I nodded immediately and flipped through my mental notes. "Edward Cullen, check. Mike Newton, check. Tyler Crowley, check."

Rosalie grinned back at me through the rearview mirror. "Thata girl. Don't worry. I won't let those maternal rejects anywhere near you tonight."

I frowned a little in confusion. "I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, Rosalie, but I'm starting to really like you."

Rosalie chuckled at that as Alice answered for her.

"Rosalie thinks any guy that's a 'panty-chaser', as she puts it, has mommy issues. You know, mommy didn't love them enough or some other idiotic sob story like that so they have to make up for it by being a raging, hormonal panty-chaser to get _some _kind of female approval."

"Or to get back at their mothers." Rosalie added.

"You know," Alice said thoughtfully. "In Dickward's case, that's probably true."

That was impressive.

"Wow, maybe I'll have to start calling Rosalie Dr. Hale."

The girls laughed as Rosalie pulled up in front of a vomit-inducingly enormous mansion. So apparently, Alice hadn't been exaggerating when she said her aunt and uncle were filthy rich. Filthy was right. No wonder Alice seemed more than a little bitter whenever she talked about them. Compared to this fucking mansion in front of me, Alice and her mom practically lived in poverty.

We scampered up the pathway to the front door and I winced a little at the ear-shattering noise coming from inside. The party was obviously already up and swinging and was that…Kings of Leon blasting in the background? Whoever chose that had pretty fucking good taste in music. As we pushed and shoved our way through the entrance, I was a little disappointed that I couldn't really get a good look at the inside of this freaking mansion. The place was wall to wall with typical high schoolers, amidst a cloud of smoke and an orgy of underage drinking. The smoke bothered the shit out of me but I was definitely liking what I was seeing. Maybe Forks wasn't so bad after all, not if it housed parties like this on a regular basis.

"Uh oh…douchebag alert…danger, danger…" Alice whispered into my ear.

My head snapped up in the direction she was pointing and zeroed in on a lanky, slightly awkward-looking blonde guy heading straight for me. Fuck. We'd barely been here thirty seconds and we were already facing the d-bag parade. _Great_.

Oh well. This bitch was about to be owned.

Douchebag number two attempted a cool swagger up to me, failing miserably, and managed to slosh some of his beer on my tube top. This asshole didn't know what he was fucking with.

"Hey…" he slurred. "You must be the new girl…my name's Mike."

He held out his free hand to me only to be met with a blank stare. His mouth turned up into a sloppy smirk and I threw up a little in my mouth.

"You know," that asstard continued, tipping his beer towards me. "That shirt is very becoming on you…if I were that shirt, I'd be coming on you too."

What. The. Fuck.

I heard Alice gasp and Rosalie let out an angry huff behind me. Don't worry, ladies. Watch the master go to work.

I slowly took the beer from him, seriously contemplating bashing him over the head with it, but…nah…didn't need to get arrested by Charlie tonight.

Instead, I tipped the bottle and poured the rest of his beer directly on the front of his pants.

"Whoops, looks like you already came…in your pants. Nice meeting you, though."

A fit of giggles erupted behind me as I gingerly handed the empty bottle back to the slack-jawed dickhead.

"That was fucking ah-ma-zing!" Rosalie cheered as she steered us away from d-bag number two.

"Seriously, I've never seen Mike get shut down like that…in less than ten seconds. Fucking brilliant!" Alice raved, pumping her fist in victory.

I just waved them off.

"I've never liked guys named Mike anyway." I told them dismissively.

We finally made it to the bar, yes, this place had a fucking bar right in the middle of it, and I had never been that much in need of a drink than right then. If I wasn't completely committed to the whole no assholes philosophy, I fucking was now after that little debacle.

Alice stepped behind the marble-topped bar like a pro and went to work mixing us some drinks. Rosalie hopped up on a free stool and motioned for me to move closer.

She pointed at a huge, burly behemoth of a linebacker and whispered to me: "That's Emmett."

At that second, he turned and scanned through the crowd, not-so-subtly looking for a certain blonde bombshell. He must've found her because he rose an eyebrow and winked in our direction.

"Uh…I'll be back in about twenty minutes…give or take…" She muttered, grabbing her fresh drink from the counter and swung off the stool, heading straight for the muscle man. Okay, so I knew what they were going to be doing for the next twenty or so minutes.

Alice set my drink on the counter and frowned when she noticed I was alone. "Where'd Rose go?"

"She ran off with the roid-head." I informed her good-naturedly.

She just shrugged, obviously used to that and nudged the drink closer to me.

"Start drinking, Bella. You'll have more fun that way. I don't want your first night here to royally suck."

Her concern was actually a little touching.

I waved it off. "Don't worry about me…and I'm having a great time. Just think, if you hadn't shown up, I'd probably still be hiding from Charlie."

Alice nodded in understanding and opened her mouth to speak but she froze, flinging her hands to the edge of the counter.

"Wha—" I started to turn to see what was going on but Alice cut me off.

"No, no…don't turn around…" She whispered frantically.

"What?"

"It's him…he's right behind you and…ohmygod, he's talking to fucking Tanya again. I fucking hate Tanya. I hope she doesn't shove her tongue down his throat right in front of me again…"

I cocked an eyebrow at her. It was time to see this mystery man in the flesh.

"Can I turn around now, please?"

She just nodded helplessly. I turned and nodded immediately with approval. Tall and built…nice. Messy blonde hair…nice. And did I detect a slight Southern accent? Very nice.

"Well, you could certainly do worse. He's pretty hot, actually." I offered.

Alice was nervously wringing a bar towel in her hands and I could see her eyes glaze over with an interesting mixture of fear and lust.

"Why don't you go talk to him?"

Alice blinked at me like I just sprouted a second head.

"Are you for real?"

"For reals, Alice. Get over there and make small talk or something. You said he barely even knows you're alive, right?"

She nodded slowly.

"Well, now's your chance to try to break the ice a little. He's your cousin's best friend so he's at least obligated to speak with you at his party."

"Thanks for that boost of confidence, Bella. I really appreciate it." She rolled her eyes with a tiny huff.

"You know what I mean. Take the opportunity and run with it. You know, carpe diem and all that shit. Just go…I'm going to be really pissed at you if you don't."

She bit her lip nervously and cast a stealthy glance back at him before looking back at me.

"I don't want to leave you here all by yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Go. Now."

She threw the towel down with some newfound determination and I watched proudly as she pushed her way over to Jasper. His eyes widened a little when he saw her and immediately bent down to hear whatever she was saying to him. Hmmm…maybe he wasn't as ignorant as she thought he was.

I was just starting to really enjoy my drink when an arm slid around my shoulders. I looked up, only to meet the glassy eyes of an extremely drunk retard. I immediately recoiled in fucking disgust.

"Why hello there," the butthole surfer slurred in my ear. "I'm Tyler and who are you?"

Ah. Douchebag number three. And here I thought he'd never show up.

"I'm not interested."

He threw his head back and laughed. Not attractive. He gestured down to my legs with one finger, the other ones wrapped around a half empty bottle of beer.

"If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right was Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"

Before I even had a chance to _think_ about popping that smirk off his face, I heard a high-pitched voice behind me.

"Oh no you didn't, Tyler Crowley. Get your rough little paws off of her too. I think I saw a hot little tranny over there you might be interested in though…"

My savior motioned for Tyler to cease and desist and to get the fuck away from me and wonders upon wonders, the fucktard actually listened. As soon as Tyler got up, muttered something about 'fucking homos', my shaggy-haired, girl-pants-wearing, rescuer stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Hi babe, I'm Eric. And don't worry…I won't try anything funny with ya. I'm gayer than the locker room at the Ice Capades." He said with a wink.

I took his hand and laughed. "I'm Bella. And thanks for that back there. I have no idea what is going on tonight…it must be use-your-worst-pickup-line night, though."

Eric nodded knowingly before taking a sip of my drink. "Ooo…this is tasty, I love when Alice mixes. Well, anyways, you're seein' all these abominations tonight cuz you're fresh meat, hun."

I groaned and he just laughed again. "That's what I was afraid of."

He shrugged and took another sip. "Could be worse. At least you can find a guy within a thirty mile radius that's interested."

I smirked at his openness, immediately liking him. "Wait…how did you know…"

Eric rolled his eyes and jerked his head in the evil pixie's direction. "Alice. Besides, word's been going around town anyways that Chief Swan's daughter was moving here. I've always loved a man in uniform…anyways, the whole school's been buzzing about you. Just so you know."

I grimaced at that and set to wallowing my troubles in alcohol. "Great. Just what I need."

"Where'd Rosie run off to…or wait, never mind, I'm sure she's locked in one of the twenty bedrooms in this place with that deliciously muscley boy of hers. Seriously, those two need to figure their crap out because I am getting sick of all this 'we're-not-dating-we're-just-fuck-buddies' shit."

"That's exactly what she said." I laughed.

Eric rolled his eyes again and shook his head.

"Girl will never learn." He muttered under his breath.

I was about to respond but was rendered completely stupefied by the sex god that just walked in the room. Words cannot even describe his fucking hotness…rumbled bronze sex hair…God, he was even wearing fucking Aviators inside...he was easily the most gorgeous guy I had ever laid eyes on. I was practically salivating on sight.

"What?" Eric asked, his eyes moving to what had caught my attention.

"Oh…" he chuckled. "I see you've found Edward."

Aw fuck. Well, there goes that. I guess nice guys just weren't meant to be that goddamn beautiful. Fuck my life.

"Uh, yeah…Alice warned me about him earlier today. But I've already decided to keep my distance from the 'panty-chaser', as Rosalie put it."

Eric nodded in approval. "Good. Because you're going to that as soon as he spots you. Prepare to have your willpower officially tested."

Fine. Just rub it in. Just fucking dig the knife a little bit deeper.

"Why?"

Why I even bothered with the question was beyond me.

"Because you and your little bad self are going to drive Assward crazy. And that boy knows how to get what he wants…trust me. I've seen it many, many, many times."

"So I've been told." I grumbled into my drink.

"You know, it's awfully refreshing to see a girl _not_ throwing their panties in his face for once."

"Yeah, I don't ever plan on doing it."

I was even more pissed off at myself now. Why oh why did I ever think it was a good idea to give up on assholes? I loved assholes back in Phoenix and they loved me. But now, because of some stupid new philosophy I was hell bent on upholding, I was going to deny myself the pleasures of Edward Cullen. Oh well. I was sure I'd survive somehow. Besides, this guy was the epitome of everything I was trying to keep away from and I knew, without a doubt, that if I let him get under my skin, I was only going to end up in the exact same place I was in Phoenix: dissatisfied and slightly heartbroken.

Still, that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the eye-candy from a distance. Eric and I both watched on, both of us drooling a little, as douchebag number one quickly became the center of attention in the room. Everyone seemed to gravitate around him and it wasn't hard to see why. That gorgeous lop-sided grin made my thighs quiver and he threw his head back, laughing at whatever that Alice's man, Jasper, was saying to him…but barely paying any notice to the skanky blonde tugging on his shirt sleeve. He put a cigarette to his lips and took a gratuitous pull from it, flicking it into the ash tray the blonde slut was holding up for him.

Now, I normally don't find smokers attractive. Quite frankly, it's usually one of the most _unattractive_ things to me…but when Edward did it, there was just something about the way he held it to his lips…it was almost sensual, no, it _was_ sensual and one of the fucking hottest things I've ever witnessed. He reminded me of James Dean…rebel without a cause or something like that…I just wanted on.

No, no, no. Fuck. _You don't want to do this_, I told myself, _this is going to end very badly if you do._

And then, the heavens parted and Edward slid his hand down to the blonde ho-bag's ass and gave it a little squeeze. She squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck, proceeding to suck on his ear while his other hand grazed her boob. Bingo, you asshole. That was all I needed to see to convince myself that Edward Cullen wasn't worth it.

I heard Eric sigh behind me and I tilted my head back to him, smiling stupidly because I was finally starting to feel the alcohol.

"What?"

"It's not fair," he sighed again. "We can look but not touch. Just a damn shame too."

"Well, it's a good thing I currently have a no assholes policy because if I didn't, you'd have to put a fucking muzzle on me or something to keep me from going over there and pouncing on him."

Eric giggled, smacking his thigh to keep his balance. "I like you, girl. I like you a lot."

I smiled, wrinkling my nose up as I laughed. "I like you too, Eric. So let me guess…that blonde bitch he's feeling up over there is either Lauren Mallory or Jessica Stanley, right?"

He nodded, grinning back at me. "Right you are, my hot little detective. That one's Lauren the Skank…Jess the Slut is around here somewhere…oh, there she is!"

He pointed towards another bimbo walking towards the crowd around Doucheward and I rolled my eyes. The fact she was wearing a skirt that practically showed off her whoohah and a non-existent tank top to go along with her bleached hair didn't surprise me.

"He would go for girls like that." I muttered under my breath.

Eric's shoulders started shaking with laughter and I had to smack him to get him to calm down.

"What the hell?"

He rubbed a tear out of his eye and shook his head at me. "Hun, compared to those two skanks, you are the crème-de-la-crème, you get what I'm sayin'? Those two bitches don't hold a candle to you…so like I said, prepare to have your willpower tested as soon as that hot piece of meat sniffs you out."

I let out a little huff and frowned back at him. "Why do you think I'm even interested in that scumbag anyway?"

Eric looked at me like I was retarded. "Because, honey, _everyone_'s interested in him. _Everyone_."

"Well," I rose my chin up in defense as I spoke. "I'm not going to be his next fucking victim. He's not the type of guy I'm looking for anyways."

Eric's eyebrows shot up, his face stricken with shock. "Not the type of guy—"

"I'm not looking for just a fuck anymore, Eric…if I'm going to sleep with a guy, I want it mean something for once. I want the relationship…you know, the butterflies, the flowers, the hand holding, all that shit. Would messing around with Edward Cullen be fun? Of course it fucking would. But is it a good idea? Absolutely fucking not."

Eric smirked and tapped his drink to mine. "Cheers to that. Amen, girl."

He promptly set his drink down on the counter and hopped around a little. "Ah…you gonna alright here by yourself for a sec? I gotta pee like a mother!"

I just laughed as he sprinted off to the end of the mile-long line for the bathroom and then darted around the line, bounding up the stairs like the mo on a mission he was. A quick glance around the room told me that Alice and Jasper were still chatting up nicely and still no sign of Rosalie and the roid-head. I winked at Alice from across the room, tipping my drink towards her in a silent cheers and signaled with my head that I was going to get up and explore. After getting her nod of approval, I sprung up with drink in hand and pushed and shoved my way out the massive living room and made a beeline for the laptop and very expensive looking stereo perched on top of a tall table nearby. Nice.

I could play DJ until Alice, Rosalie, and Eric were done being little pills. I could do that all fucking night if I had to. Music had quickly become my lifeline in defense of everything that had suddenly gone awry in my life and I had no problem just sitting here for the rest of the night with this laptop and this music.

Scrolling through the iTunes library in the laptop was more than fun. Whoever owned this thing had some fucking great taste in music. Bob Dylan, tons of Kings of Leon, Radiohead, a little Chris Brown here and there for some good times, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, My Chemical Romance, Muse, the list went on and on…and was that? Yes…there definitely an amazing assortment of Red Hot Chili Peppers. Amazing. It was pretty hard to decide which one to go with, but seeing that this was a party and all, "Rollercoaster of Love" was the winner.

I jammed out to that one by myself, raising my red Solo cup in the air as I bopped my head back and forth to the beat, not feeling self-conscious at all. It was a fucking fantastic feeling.

Just as I was contemplating which Chili Pepper song to hit next, my eyes shot up when I heard a husky voice behind me.

"RHCP, huh? Nice choice."

I spun around to face the one person I'd been dreading/secretly hoping to meet. Edward Cullen stood in front of me and arrogantly slid his Aviators down his perfect nose, revealing two piercingly intense green eyes. Shit, I hadn't thought he could get any hotter but apparently, I was wrong. His eyebrows rose at my gaping silence and he chuckled, moving closer to the table, and me, until his elbows were propped up on it. His elbows, and his entire body for that matter, were only an inch away from mine. I couldn't breathe…I couldn't breathe…fuck, fuck, you don't like him, you don't like him….

"So what's next on the playlist? Maybe a little "Give it Away Now"? Or how 'bout "Scar Tissue"? I know it's kinda slow but it's one of my favorites and it's my party so everyone else can just fuck off."

I openly gaped at him. Was he talking to me? Or himself? I don't know…this was strange. Either way, I was frozen in place. _Be cool, Bella, be confident…he needs to know he doesn't have a shot in hell._

"Well, I'm assuming this is your laptop, right?" I spat out, trying to sound annoyed.

He smirked and nodding, lowering his head more probably so he could get a better look at me above his Aviators.

"You're assumption is correct. I'm Edward Cullen, by the way."

He shifted his arm until his hand was outstretched towards me. I knew what he was trying to do and I wasn't going to play this game with him.

"Yeah, I know."

His mouth twisted into that sexy lop-sided grin I'd been staring at all night and I felt my knees shake a little.

"And you are?" He prompted, still smiling, still with his hand outstretched to me.

And against my better judgment, I took it. "Bella Swan."

His eyebrows rose suggestively but before he had a chance to respond, his eyes widened at something behind me.

"What the fuck happened, Newton? Did you fucking piss yourself?" Edward laughed.

I bit my lip as I turned only to come fact to face with Mike Newton. Looking extremely pissed. With his pants still soaked. Right in his naughty place. Har har.

Mike poked a finger at me and sneered.

"So you can talk to fucking Cullen but not me? What the fuck?"

Edward howled with laughter behind me and I just shook my head at Mike. I didn't want to dignify that with a response so Edward did it for me.

"Seriously, Newton. What happened to your pants?"

"Ask her." He replied, red in the face before stalking off.

Edward just laughed again as he watched Mike walk away before cocking a questioning eyebrow at me.

I just shrugged. "Let's just say, he made a derogatory remark about cumming on my shirt, so I dumped the rest of his beer on him."

Edward's eyebrows shot up and he covered his mouth to hide his laughter.

"And now it looks like he…" he managed to get out. "Oh, that's the funniest thing I've seen all day. Fucking priceless."

"Yeah well, the dickhead had it coming." I huffed. I was quickly realizing that I was fighting a losing battle with myself. Maybe Edward wasn't as bad as everyone said he was…

"You're absolutely right. What you should have done was karate chop him in the balls so I'd say he got off easy." Edward nodded.

I was falling into the sandpit. Sinking lower and lower into his glorious eyes and lop-sided grin…my eyes travelled down and around the rest of his face and my stomach tightened. I wanted to lick his jaw…I wanted to tangle my fingers in that amazing bronze sex hair…I wanted to rip those Aviators off and shove my tongue into his mouth…or maybe he could leave them on…

"So…" he continued. "I saw you at the bar with my cousin. How do you know her?"

"Oh, she's my neighbor…"

He smirked and dipped his head a little lower, looking at me above his Aviators. I swooned.

"So you're the new girl Alice has been telling everyone about, right?"

I gritted my teeth at the mention of Alice and her mouth. "Yeah."

"From Phoenix, right?"

I nodded, doing my best to convince both him and myself that I wasn't as interested in this conversation as I actually was…well, not the conversation so much but who I was having it with.

"So…" he pressed. "Why the big move?"

"Uh…it's sorta complicated…"

He sent me that stupid lop-sided grin and I felt my knees buckle. The way he was looking at me was very, very bad.

"I think I can keep up." He tilted his head towards me, giving me his full attention. Shit.

"Well…my mom got remarried a couple of months ago and he's minor league player so he travels around a lot…"

"Wait, what?" He interrupted. "He plays for the minors? What's his name? What position does he play?"

I had to laugh at his sudden enthusiasm, remembering Alice had said he played baseball for Forks. Well, I supposed he would flip over that…even though I didn't see what was so great about it, considering it was inadvertently the catalyst for my unfortunate move. Anyways, I was grateful for the change of subject.

"His name's Phil O'Connor and he plays shortstop…I think…"

Edward's beautiful green eyes lit up and he smack the table in excitement. "Really? I play shortstop…this is fucking epic…which team does he play for?"

I bit back a smile at this side of Edward. "Right now he plays in Jacksonville, I can't remember the name of the team though…I guess I wasn't really paying that close of attention to that…"

His eyes narrowed in mock-sarcasm and he chuckled, moving a little bit closer to me in the process. "Ah…not a baseball fan, huh?"

"It's boring." So there, Edward Cullen.

I had meant it as a below the belt blow but he didn't seem to see it that way. Shit again.

"Yeah…I guess it's more fun to actually play it than watch it. But that doesn't mean you can't practice school spirit and cheer us on." He winked.

Whoa…was he actually implying that he wanted me to go to his baseball games? Did he just _wink _at me? Yes and yes…oh no. I was quickly falling down that black hole I had been so hell-bent on avoiding…but he just seemed so normal and so genuine and so attentive…fuck, fuck, _fuck. _

"Oh hey…I'm sorry," he unknowingly interrupted my current train of thought. "I completely cut you off before. You were saying something about Phil having to move around and…?"

I sighed and took a second to stir my drink around with my straw, silently cursing myself for even starting to tell the story. I, in theory, had had zero intention of ever really telling anyone here in Forks, save for Charlie, the whole story but in less than five minutes in his presences, Edward fucking Cullen had managed to get it out of me. I didn't want to think about what he could potentially get me to do if he had another five minutes.

He seemed to sense my sudden distress and his brow creased in response. "You don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable…it's not a big deal…"

"You're right," I cut in. "It's not that big a deal but anyways, my mom was staying home with me while Phil traveled with the team but I could tell it was hard for her to be away from him like that…so I decided it was time to give Forks and Charlie a try for awhile."

Why the fuck did I just tell him that? I hadn't even told Alice that…what was I doing?

He was nodding in understanding when I looked back at him and he was watching me with…compassion? Empathy? I didn't know…but I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"So that brings us back to you being my cousin's new neighbor." He offered; he seemed to, once again, sense my discomfort and kindly changed the subject.

"Next door neighbor actually…I came here with her and Rosalie Hale but I haven't seen either of them in a little while."

Edward smirked and took a gulp of his drink. "Well, Rosalie's locked in a room somewhere with McCarty, that's what usually happens anyways and Alice has been playing hard to get with my friend, Jasper, for most of the night."

"What do you mean playing hard to get?" I demanded in defense of Alice.

"Oh come on…she's been stringing him along for almost a year now…I'm really getting sick of that shit. She's fucking hot and cold with him and he doesn't have a fucking clue."

"I don't think Alice does either then."

He frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Whoops.

"Uh…just forget I said anything." I stammered, mentally kicking myself for revealing too much to the enemy. It was just so easy with him, so natural, like we had known each other for years. This was bad, very, very, bad.

He chuckled and shook his head, sending me another lop-sided sex grin. "Sure thing, Bella."

Damn, I liked the way he said my name too much. I was in trouble here. For all the horrible things I knew about him, he was pretty close to charming the fucking skirt off of me. Figuratively speaking, of course. Or maybe not.

"So are you having a good time?" He asked. He even seemed sincere. Shit.

I just nodded, quickly becoming helpless. "Yeah. You have a pretty awesome house."

He smirked, yet again, and slid his Aviators down a little further. "Thanks. The 'rents are usually out of town every weekend for something or other so this place is party central during that time."

"It's kind of turning into a shit show."

He laughed and inched a little closer to me. I instinctively took a tiny step in the opposite direction. He was starting to make me nervous but in the good way.

"Yeah, that's usually how it ends up but that means everyone's enjoying themselves then, right?"

I smiled in spite of my current predicament. I gulped and gestured to his laptop to distract both him and myself. "You know, you have a pretty stellar taste in music."

"I know, right?" He laughed.

"I actually have a lot of the same stuff on my iPod." Why was I telling him this?

"Really?" He cocked his head to one side. "That's cool. What are you listening to right now?"

"Um…my top two right now are probably Kings of Leon and Radiohead, even though I just discovered Spoon and they're pretty rockin' too."

He smiled and leaned around me to scroll down to something on in his iTunes library and I felt myself smile right back at him when I realized what he was doing. About a second later, "You Got Ur Cherry Bomb" by Spoon was blasting through the speakers.

"Great song." I offered, bopping a little to the beat.

He leaned forward until I could feel his breath right on my ear. "Don't tell anyone I said this…because Jasper and Emmett with probably castrate me if they find out, but I like Kings of Leon and Radiohead better than RHCP."

I shivered and looked up. Our lips were mere centimeters apart and it would be _that _fucking easy to just close the distance and…

"You know," he whispered huskily into my ear. "There are probably still a few empty bedrooms open somewhere in this place. Wanna see if we can find one?"

And…there it was. _Right_.

I recoiled immediately, the disdain I'd previously felt for Mike and Tyler now spilling over onto him. Just like all the fucking others. And, he almost had me fooled. Almost.

"Sorry," I replied icily. "I have a strict zero tolerance for assholes policy. But I'm sure either of those two hookers I saw you with earlier would be more than happy to."

His mouth fell open and he immediately straightened himself out, shoving the Aviators back up his nose. That's right, you prick. Consider yourself officially owned.

I didn't even wait for his smart-ass reply. Instead, I turned on my heel and marched off triumphantly, leaving Edward Cullen in the dust. I didn't have to turn around to know he was staring, speechless, and probably pissed as shit. He deserved it. At least now, more than ever, I realized that guys like Edward Cullen were exactly the kind I had fallen for over and over again in Phoenix. But I didn't live in Phoenix anymore. And I had no plans to ever fall into that trap again because it just wasn't worth my time.

Now I could enjoy this party.

* * *

**I give you...Aviatorward...hehe.**

**Hope I didn't offend anyone by making Eric gay...he just kinda comes off that way in the movie, you know?**

**And don't worry, this isn't going to be as cliche as it might seem (well, I hope it doesn't seem cliche). By the way, the title and central plot twist will be explained in the next chapter. Wait til you hear Edward's side of things...haha...**

**Let me know what you think!**


	2. The Truth About Heathcliff & Catherine

**Sorry for the wait...real life and applying for jobs got in the way. But I hope you like Edward's pov; it was kinda hard to write at first because I wanted to make sure it was believable and realistic but now I think it's fun as hell. Anyways, I hope you like**

Chapter Two

EPOV

To say I had a shitty weekend was a fucking understatement. I, literally, had one of the worst weekends of my life. And I fucking lived for the weekends…my parents were always gone, I could do whatever the hell I wanted wherever the hell I wanted with zero parental supervision…usually, my weekends were filled with nothing but Bacardi and pussy and good fucking times.

And then, this weekend, my bitch of a cousin decided it would be fun to bring that damn boner shrinker to my party. Maybe I was going to have to start barring her entrance, Jasper be damned, if that was what she was going to bring in my house.

When I first spotted that dumb box, I couldn't rip my eyes away from her. Brunette was a nice change of pace from all the bleach I've been banging and her tight ass body was more than enough to convince me I had throw her down somewhere and fast. I'd played it cool, I'd waited for the opportune moment to pounce…and curiously enough, I'd actually had a decent conversation with her; that usually didn't happen with girls I wanted to fuck. The damn party had gotten way out of hand pretty quickly; it was just too fucking loud in that hallway and I was having a hard time hearing what she was saying. And for some reason, I really wanted to hear what she was saying. So I tried to stealthily move closer to her but every time I did, she moved a little further away from me. I still have no fucking clue why she did that…that was a strange reaction to get from a chick…but I figured out pretty quickly that if I wanted to keep this conversation going and to better hear what she was saying, I had to move us elsewhere.

And all I did was politely suggest we search for an empty bedroom so we could continue our conversation in peace and quiet and she freaked on me like I was going to give her VD. Edward Cullen was clean. Fucking clean. How the hell was I supposed to know she would take it that way?

A zero tolerance for assholes policy? What the shit was that?

That shit just didn't happen to me. Ever. Hell, I was being _nice _to the bitch. I never, ever had to make an effort to get laid and I was carrying on a goddamn conversation with her and fucking enjoying myself too without really any intention of actually getting laid. What about that screamed asshole to her? I was polite, I was respectful, I never tried to touch her or attack her mouth, even though I wanted to. And she could have easily just turned down my offer and we could have easily gone back to our previous conversation in the noisy hallway. But no.

Word vomit at its finest. Fucking bitch. Automatically assuming something when it was completely the opposite. She didn't even give me a chance to explain myself.

Now, yes, I admit I would have gladly welcomed any kind of fooling around that peace and quiet would have given us and maybe I hadn't had the most innocent of intentions in coming over to talk to her in the first place but hell, I just wanted to keep talking to her. Maybe I could've worded my suggestion a little bit better but what can I say? Wanting primarily conversation from a chick was kind of new territory for me.

And like the typical female she was, she assumed the worst about me. Granted, I didn't have to try to get laid…but for some reason, that wasn't my top priority when I first met Bella-I'm-too-fucking-good-for-you-Swan.

She was interesting. The only other interesting girls at this school were Rosalie and Alice, and well, it was obviously different with them. But this girl…this girl was able to hold my attention for more than five minutes and that was something. Same taste in music…I had never had that in common with a girl before…the way she nervously twisted her hair around her finger when she talked about her mom…and I had really wanted to grab and fistful of that hair and smell it…she was already loyal to Alice and I immediately liked that about her…the way her eyes lit up when I noticed she didn't want to talk about her mom and changed the subject. As far as I could tell, she hadn't bullshited me about anything we'd talked about, not music, moving, Alice…and I have to admit, it normally pissed me the fuck off when girls proclaimed their undying love for baseball. I knew they were lying. I knew they were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear and it was annoying as shit. So when Bella Swan admitted, without any embarrassment whatsoever, that she didn't like baseball, her truthfulness was intriguing…and fucking hot.

Too bad she turned out to be self-righteous cunt.

Suffice to say, the rest of my weekend sucked major cock. First, I was plagued with the worst hangover I'd had since New Year's. Second, fucking Stanley got a little too careless with my dick and had 'accidentally' nipped it with her goddamn teeth. That shit was going to hurt for a week. And third, dickheads Emmett and Jasper were not letting shit go. Fucking bitch ratted me out to Rosalie, who then turned around and ratted me out to Emmett, who ratted me out to Jasper like the little girl he was. Of course, those two fucksticks thought it was the funniest thing that'd happened since Emmett got a nasty dick rash from some chick in Port Angeles two summers ago. Shit was not fucking funny.

Somehow, it didn't seem like a very good idea to tell those jackasses that I hadn't even been _attempting _to get in her pants, only to get rejected anyways…letting them think I was trying seemed a little bit easier to swallow. Not that it was all that easy to begin with.

Emmett had thought it would be hilarious to send me a wake-up text this morning: _Waz up bitch, ready to get your dick not sucked by BS today, ha ha fucker!_

All in all, this wasn't shaping up to be the start of a very good week.

But ready or not, it was fucking Monday.

I pulled the love of my life, el Volvo, into my usual parking spot, Emmett and Jasper pulling in seconds behind me. I slid my trusty pair of Aviators on and ran a hand through my mess of hair. I could never seem to get it to do anything, instead, it stuck out every which way but the way I wanted it. Some chick had once referred to my hair as 'sex hair'. Well, in that case, that was something I could live with.

Before I was even fully out of the Volvo, Emmett was already pouncing on my back.

"Yo bro! How's the head?"

"It'd be better if you backed the fuck off." I gritted my teeth.

Emmett immediately slid off my back. "Is someone on the rag, Ed?"

"Piss off, bitch!" I heard Jasper yelling behind me. I sent him a quick grateful look and he just nodded in response. If I was ever to go gay, it would be for him. I loved that guy.

"Hey! Just because you didn't get the pussy this weekend does not mean you can bitch at me like a little girl." Emmett yelled back, probably a little bit too loud.

"That's my fucking cousin you're referring to so I'd appreciate it if you two assholes would spare me that shit." I didn't even give Jasper a chance to put his two cents in about Alice. I didn't want to hear it.

"Aw…Edward's just pissed because he had to settle for the cum buckets again this weekend." Jasper snorted.

I started off towards the main doors, swinging my baseball gear on one shoulder and my backpack on the other, and completely ignoring the retards behind me. I didn't have to listen to this and I wasn't planning on it. By the time we got up to the doors, thing one and thing two were having a headlock contest and knocking into people left and right in the process. Dumbasses.

"If you fuck up your arm, Jasper, so help me, God…" I yelled behind me.

"Aye, aye, captain!" Both idiots saluted me as we pushed through the doors.

"I hate you both." I muttered under my breath.

Shit, it was only 7:40 in the morning and I already wanted to kill them. I was in a bad, bad mood and that shit wasn't helping. Still, I knew those two bastards were just doing it to piss me off and unfortunately for me, it was working.

The three of us made the rounds to our lockers and I was just shutting the door on mine when Lauren Mallory slithered up to me like the snake she was. That was alright with me though; the snake knew how to flick her tongue.

"So Edward," she was trying to be all sexy and husky but I was having trouble not rolling my eyes at her. "Do you want me to come over after your practice tonight?"

Hm. Let me think about that for a sec.

"Sure."

She giggled and kissed my cheek, and slithered away.

Jasper just shook his head at me as he watched her down the hallway. "It shouldn't be that easy, you jerk-off."

I cocked my head at him and smirked. "Oh but it is. Head is just a phone call away."

"Hey, I got that too, shit brain." Emmett chimed in.

"That's true," I conceded. "And I'm proud of you for that, I really am…but I think the question of the hour is: when is Jasper going to stop being just a little bitch and move in on my cousin?"

Jasper looked slightly offended. "Move in on your cousin? You make it sound like she's a slut or something."

I just shrugged as we started walking down the hall. "She's not. But you gotta do something quick because I, for one, am getting really fucking sick of all this 'will they or won't they' shit."

"Yeah, either shit or get off the pot, you know?" Emmett added, slapping Jasper on the shoulders before jetting off to class.

Jasper sighed and ran a hand over his face. "You a-holes are getting on my last nerve."

"Hey," I shrugged. "Consider it payback for all the shit you've been giving me. Bitch."

I darted off into Calculus class before he had the opportunity to physically harm me for that last comment. Take that, fucker.

So I was sitting in class, completely minding my own damn business when dumbass Newton turns around and thinks he can speak to me.

"Hey, Cullen," the idiot said.

"What the fuck do you want, Newton?" I sneered back, because that's what the faggot deserved.

"Did you _see_ the new chick yet?"

How to play this? Maybe it'd be for the best if I just played stupid.

So I shook my head, drumming my fingers absentmindedly on my desk.

Newton looked at me like I was an idiot. "What do you mean…she was at your place on Saturday…I saw you talking to her."

Oh right. Fuck.

"Uh…yeah. I thought you were talking about today, though."

Newton shook his head. "Whatever, Cullen. You will never believe what she's wearing today…shit, she is so fucking hot…and that _hair_, man, I just want to…"

He made a few obscene gestures with his hands. Yeah, whatever, I get the gist, you fucking caveman.

But I felt his pain about the hair. Regardless of my opinion of her personality, her looks, especially her hair, left nothing to be desired. Hers was the kind that was just begging to be twisted and pulled and yanked and…shit.

"Didn't she dump your beer all over you…you know, like on your dick?" I retorted, clearly annoyed with the current topic of conversation.

Newton's face immediately fell in a hilarious combination of surprise and mortification. Eat that, loser. However, that was another thing I had liked about her. She didn't take any shit from anyone…and she was smart enough to not let Newton come within ten feet of her without throwing a drink on him. I would have liked to see that, actually. That would've been the highlight of my evening, considering the fiasco that occurred afterwards.

Still, that didn't mean I wanted to dwell on that, or her for that matter. Even the thought of her now made me cringe a little inside.

Needless to say, Newton turned the fuck around after that and left me alone. Thank God for small favors. I spent the rest of the day going through the same motions, forgetting that Bella Swan even existed until lunch rolled along. Once I was sitting down at our usual table, waiting for Emmett and Jasper to hurry their slow asses up, my eyes wandered around the cafeteria of their own free will. I didn't want to look, I really didn't…but I couldn't help myself.

She was sitting at Alice and Rosalie's usual table, right in the middle of them, and they were all laughing like they'd been friends for years. I couldn't exactly tell what she was wearing or how hot it really was, fucking Newton, but her hair was just as delicious and luscious, probably even more so, as it was Saturday night. It was bouncing around in pretty big curls and it just looked so _soft_ and shiny and smooth that I waited to sneak up behind her and touch it before she knew what I was doing like the creeper I was.

Oh wait. That's right. Said unbelievably hot new girl was a man-hating, ball-shriveling harpy.

My traitor cousin must have said something funny because what's-her-name threw her head back and laughed. The sound reverberated all the way down my spine and I shivered, suddenly wondering why the front of my pants felt so tight. Shit. Fuck. Down, down, down, no, no, no. That shit just isn't cool. No way in hell.

After that, lunch was a fuck of a lot easier to get through. It was same old same old at the boys' table…no chicks, no problems.

After lunch, I headed to my absolute favorite class of all time. My Aunt Esme's AP English class. That's right. I'm in AP English. And I like it. So suck it.

The thing about my Aunt Esme is, you'd think she'd let me get away with murder in that class, but she doesn't. I don't get special treatment and I'd say she grades pretty fairly. There has never been a moment during my entire semester and a half in her classroom where I felt she gave preferential treatment to _anyone_. She wasn't a hard ass, per se; she just didn't take any shit from anybody. I learned pretty quickly from day one that my usual jokes and witty banter was not going to fly with her and that I better shut the fuck up and listen. So I did…and I discovered that English, depending on the material being covered, can be pretty damn interesting. Not to mention the fact that Aunt Esme is a pretty cool teacher; it's difficult to explain, when she's discussing something, she just has this way about her, I don't know if it's her excitement or what, but you just can't pay attention to anything else.

I settled into my usual seat and folded my hands behind my head, grateful that because my partner, can't really remember the dude's name now, decided AP scared the shit out of him and dropped it like a little bitch at semester, I had a table all to myself. And since Aunt Esme has this thing about assigned partners and not wanting to switch things around and mess up academic equilibrium or some shit like that, I hadn't had the inconvenience of a partner since January.

Aunt Esme came waltzing in, smiling at me as she set her coffee mug down next to her computer. She was such a cool lady…it was really too bad my bastard of an uncle walked out on her and Alice. Although I'd never been exactly told the circumstances surrounding this pretty big familial scandal, my dad had always assured me it had been more to do with my uncle than my aunt. And because the whole thing had made me respect her more than I could probably ever really tell her, I didn't press for answers. She was fine now and that was all that mattered to me. At least I think they were fine…I didn't exactly like the way her and Alice lived, or the way Alice seemed to resent me like nobody's fucking business…but that was neither here nor there…and…

Sweet baby Jesus. No, please, no. There's no way. This isn't happening. Fuck, fuck, _fuck. _

_Bella_ fucking _Swan_ appeared out of nowhere, glancing around the room before introducing herself to Aunt Esme as her new fucking student. No.

It was as if I was floating above my body, watching this trainwreck from a few feet above and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I watched helplessly as Aunt Esme pointed towards somewhere in the room and Bella started walking up my aisle. No.

My eyes flitted nervously to the empty chair next to mine and I glanced around the room anxiously, praying to God that there was another empty seat somewhere but there wasn't. Noooo.

At that exact moment, the bitch looked directly at me and froze. She was most likely remembering our shared horrific Saturday night and all those way wrong assumptions she most likely had about me. Fuck that shit. Instead of playing her game, I moved my eyes straight to the front of the room and completely away from her. I barely even flinched when the chair next to me scraped to the side and she plopped down like her life was so goddamn difficult now because of me. She started fiddling with her bag and I kind of wanted to rip the stupid thing away, take the damn book out for her, and throw it back in her face so she would stop being so annoying. Just her mere presence was getting on my nerves. How many weeks were left of the semester? Oh right. Seven. And I wasn't even going to allow myself to think about the way she smelled.

Aunt Esme was getting the class going now and she was passing out paperbacks of our next unit, "Wuthering Heights". Not exactly my first choice in great literature, but I was sure she'd find a way to keep me interested in it.

"Alright, guys," Aunt Esme began once everyone had their books. The harpy next to me was already flipping through it with a little too much enthusiasm and I found myself grinding my teeth in annoyance. "So, obviously, we're starting 'Wuthering Heights' next. This is a pretty famous book…right?"

She paused for the collective nodding of heads.

"Good. We've all heard of it. Now, who can tell me what this book is about?"

I looked around the room and waited for someone to volunteer. Shit. This usually happened whenever she asked for more than a two word answer. Ready to put my aunt out of her misery for the time being, I was just about to raise my hand when the she-devil next to me beat me to the punch.

Aunt Esme's face lit up in surprise and quickly called on her.

"It's a love story, mostly, between two people who don't understand each other and a society that doesn't understand them…so it's pretty impossible for them to be together in life."

Who would've thought she had some brains underneath all that unnecessary bitchiness.

Aunt Esme was nodding happily, getting that excited look I knew all too well in the classroom and I felt the need to take the enemy next to me down a few pegs.

So I snorted loudly and raised my hand to counter.

"Actually, it's anything _but _a love story," I paused to give the colossal hag next to me a pointed look. "It's a hate story."

Fuck, Aunt Esme had that shit-eating grin now. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end well.

"Okay, I see where you're going with that…keep going, Edward." She prompted.

I took a deep breath. "It's not love…it's more like an obsession for both of them than anything. And it's a maturity issue too."

Aunt Esme nodded in approval and a quick glance around the room told me that I had everyone's full attention. And I mean _everyone_.

"Neither one, Catherine in particular, would probably actually know what to do with the other if they actually ended up together. It's just the idea of it…they're both so obsessive about making the other person miserable that they both end up miserable and crazy by the end of it."

"Well, maybe if Heathcliff wasn't such so emotionally retarded and had actually fought for Catherine instead of trying to make her life a living hell…they could've been happy together."

I should've known she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut. Bring it.

"Well," I was purposefully mimicking her now just to piss her off. "Maybe if Catherine didn't act like an infant and throw temper tantrums all the time, she'd have been able to see she was just making everything worse."

We stared each other down like two fucking pit bulls ready to start clawing at each other. She was glaring at me, her arms crossed angrily across her chest and man, if looks could kill…well, I'd be dead. That did nothing for my already considerably low opinion of her. Fucking bitch.

"Okaaay," Aunt Esme interceded. "Well, I wasn't expecting an impromptu debate like that but that's good. Guys, these two characters have sparked so much debate over the years and so much controversy about the actual nature of their relationship. There are a lot of different ways you can view them, as Edward and Bella so graciously just showed us and that's the point. Literature is about debating and constantly looking beneath the surface. There's nothing black and white about these characters. They're two very complex and complicated people and…this brings me to your partner project for this unit…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at who was sitting next to me. Fuck me.

"Your mission is to figure out the truth about Heathcliff and Catherine. There's more to these characters than what Edward and Bella just described. Like I said, they're complicated and incredibly complex and it's up to you guys to figure out what's really going on with these two. Remember: people are rarely what they seem and your first impressions of these two characters could very well be completely off-base. So with your partner, you're going to be doing some investigating, out of class, three times a week. As usual, you'll have to produce a write-up of your conversations at the end of each week and together, you'll write a character analysis for Heathcliff and Catherine describing your mutual findings. Like always, your partner will be the person sitting next to you so Edward, Bella will be your new partner for the rest of the semester."

Fuck my life.

Then, like the self-righteous bitch she was, she blurted out: "No…there must be some mistake. I can't work with him."

Aunt Esme froze and narrowed her eyes slightly at her.

"No mistake, Bella. Edward's your partner." She responded coolly before passing around the handout for our project.

I wanted to jump out of my chair and hug her that made me so happy. Nobody fucks with the Cullen family, even if your last name technically isn't Cullen anymore. I heard the dumb bitch huff angrily to my right and I chuckled a little too loudly in spite of my current ass backwards situation. She seemed way more upset about this than I was, not that I wasn't pissed about it though, but the thought of that alone made me disturbingly happy.

Aunt Esme started going on about background information about Emily Bronte and her 'inspiration' for writing the book and I was just getting settled into the lecture when a piece of paper was roughly shoved at my hand. I cast what's-her-name a wary look before flipping it over to see what the hell she wanted.

_There is no way in __hell__ I'm going to work with you._

I rolled my eyes. How old are we? Ten?

But against my better judgment, I scribbled a reply and shoved it back to her.

_Grow up._

She blinked once after reading it and blew out an angry breath. Oh good, she was pissed now. Within seconds, the paper was pushed back at me.

_Shut up. I'm not working with you. _

_Too bad. Guess you're just going to have to suck it up._

She let out another little huff as she read it and shot me a convincingly evil glare before scribbling and shoving.

_You would mention sucking. Asshole._

Asshole? Where did she get off calling me an asshole? She didn't even fucking know me. Well, if she wanted me to actually be an asshole, I could easily accommodate that.

_Got sucking on the brain? Sorry, not interested. You'd probably just try to bite it off anyways._

I heard an audible gasp to my right and did a victory smirk. Serves you right for being a bitch. Seconds later, the paper was shoved at me again.

_What makes you think I would want to come within twenty feet of your disease-infested dick?_

Well, now that just wasn't cool. It was one thing to insult my intelligence but a completely different thing altogether to insult my cock. This was not going to go down lightly.

_What makes you think my dick would want to come anywhere near your…_

And Aunt Esme just ripped the note out of my hand. Fuck my life.

She quickly scanned all the pretty nasty things we'd been writing back and forth and her eyes immediately shot up to meet mine. Nothing but disappointment and disapproval. Fuck. I felt about two inches tall. I kinda wanted to crawl into the smallest hole I could find and just die already.

"Edward, Bella, could you stay after class for a moment?" She said quietly.

We both just nodded back at her, completely at a loss for words. I sunk lower into my chair and buried my head in my notebook for the rest of the period. There was nothing worse than being busted for writing criminally embarrassing, dirty notes in class. By a family member. Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any shittier.

That bitch just kept causing problems for me. First for my pride, then with my friends, and then with Aunt Esme. It was quickly becoming easier and easier to forget anything I had ever even remotely liked about this girl. Judgmental and annoying as hell. Go figure.

The minutes left in the period ticked by way to slowly, even though I was actually dreading the end of class. I didn't really want to face Aunt Esme and her disappointment…ever…but I especially didn't want to have to do it with the most infuriating bitch I had ever met in my life front row and center to my humiliation. This was definitely not shaping up to be a good week.

After the bell rang, the bisnotch looked at me like she was…nervous? What the hell was that about? She shoved her books into her bag and stood up, straightening her clothes and…it was then I noticed she was wearing a skirt. An incredibly short skirt. And I instantly had a hard-on. Fuck my life. At least now I understood why Newton had been ranting and raving earlier today. Shit…if I had noticed that ungodly display of legs and ass, I don't know what I would've done…regardless of whether I hated her or not.

So, stealthily shifting my books to cover up the evidence, I shuffled behind the psycho hose beast and right up to Aunt Esme's desk. As soon as she heard us, she stopped putting away her papers and sighed, resting her hands on her hips in a familiar frustrated pose that made me cringe.

"First of all, I really don't appreciate that kind of language in my classroom and…there's obviously a problem here." She began.

The bitch immediately started nodding her head. "Yes. There is. I would like a new partner, please."

Well, as long as you say please…

"What is the problem exactly?" Aunt Esme asked carefully, folding her arms across her chest.

"I just…I just can't work with someone like him." She stammered, running a hand through that hair. Fuck, that _hair. _

Aunt Esme sighed again and shook her head again. "Why not?"

She had to have known by now that her teacher was also my aunt so this had to be just a little bit uncomfortable for her, at least I could hope.

"Well, for one, I don't trust him enough to actually pull his weight with this project."

"You should remember, Bella, that this is an AP class. Both of you are in this class by choice and both of you are completely capable of the demands of this project." Aunt Esme said pretty quickly.

Apparently, I wasn't going to be allowed to get a fucking word in here. Nice.

"You don't understand, Ms. Brandon, I _can't _work with him. I just can't do it." She pleaded like a little whiner.

I rolled my eyes at the display. Please...get the fuck over yourself.

"And why is that, Bella?" Aunt Esme pushed.

She shifted from one foot to other and to be honest, if I didn't hate her so much, I might've thought it was kinda cute. But I hated her. So, yeah.

"I'm sorry, I know he's your nephew and all but he's just been nothing but a jerk to me and I really think the rest of the semester is going to be very, very difficult for me." She pleaded with those big brown puppy eyes.

Aunt Esme just shook her head. "I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be fair for me to break apart any other partners who have been working together for this entire class just because you two don't like each other. You're both smart. You both already seem to have an excellent understanding of this novel. Find a way to make it work."

The bitch just stood there gaping at my aunt like she had just uttered the most horrific words she'd ever heard. Nice. I'd never loved my aunt as much as I did in that moment. At this point, I didn't even care that I would have to work with that dumb box for the rest of the semester. Her humiliation was more than worth it…and it seemed like she would be fairly easy to torment, which would be indescribably fun. Let the games begin, you hateful bitch.

"Well?" Aunt Esme asked exasperatedly. I could tell her patience was wearing pretty thin and that was never good thing; even if her frustration was directed at the thing standing next to me, I didn't want to be close enough to get caught in the cross-fire. Fuck that shit.

"Well…?" I finally spoke. I didn't want to piss my aunt off anymore than she already was, but in order to get out of this room, I had to know what she wanted first.

"What are your plans for moving forward with this project?" She bit out. Alright.

I sighed deeply. Fuck my life for what I was about to do.

"She can come to my house after practice is over so we can get this started." I don't know how I managed to speak those heinous words but I did.

The idiot blinked at me in shock a few times before finally stuttering out a response. "I…I actually have to work tonight until nine."

I shrugged. "So come over after work."

Again with the shifting of feet. What the fuck was this girl's malfunction?

"Um…I don't really…I don't really have a way to get to your house."

My eyes narrowed at her. Now _my _patience was wearing thin. If I had ever really had any with her to begin with.

"Okay…" Give me a little more than that, crazy.

"I don't have a car and Char—my dad is on duty tonight."

Oh.

"Can't you just ask Alice to drive you?" Aunt Esme suggested.

The imminent mental patient just started shaking her head. "No…I'm not going to ask Alice to—"

"I'll just pick you up from work. How does that sound?" I cut in.

Come on, ladies, this doesn't need to be a goddamn production. Besides, I was fucking done with this conversation already.

"That's fine, I guess." She gave in. About damn time. This shit was getting old.

Now I was all about business. "Where do you work?"

"At the video store."

That might have seemed cryptic…but there really was only one video store in Forks.

"Alright, I'll be there at nine then."

"Thank you, Edward." My aunt offered, her eyes overwhelming with gratefulness. She owed me _big time_. For the rest of my goddamn life. I'm talking Christmas, Disney World, my birthday…everything. Big time.

The idiot just nodded and got out of the classroom like a bat out of hell. Good fucking riddance, psycho bitch.

To emphasis my immeasurable unhappiness, I gave my aunt a long, hard, cold look of 'you better hope and pray this doesn't blow up in both our faces or I'll hate you for a very, very long time' before gathering up my shit and getting the hell out of there. I'd had enough of English for one day. Fuck.

Of course, Jasper and Emmett were ready and waiting for me outside like the assholes they had a tendency to be from time to time. Both were just waiting to pounce as soon as they saw me.

"Dude, what the hell, man? What was going on with you, Ms. Brandon, and the new girl?" Emmett yelled out almost immediately.

"Keep your voice fucking down, you dickhead," Jasper bit out next to him. "People can hear you."

Emmett just waved him off as we started walking down the hall. "Seriously, man, what happened?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my already mess of hair. Fuck, it probably looked like shit after everything that went down.

"She's my partner for the rest of the semester. And so, like the bitch she is, she decided it would be fun to complain to my aunt about how she doesn't want to work with someone like me and that she thinks I'm going to let her do all the work."

Both Jasper and Emmett seemed to blow out the breath they'd been holding at the exact same time. Fucking retards.

"Fuck, man. That's cold." Jasper responded.

"Cold as ice." Emmett added.

"Yeah, tell me about it," I started. "So my aunt needed to straighten things out and now, I have to pick the bitch up after work so we can get started on the project. Can you believe this shit? How the fuck am I going to get through the rest of the semester if I have to work with _her?_"

Jasper just shrugged his shoulders. "She doesn't seem all that bad."

Wait. Back up. Hold the phone.

"What the hell?" I sneered as Emmett snorted next to me. I shot him a look that made him shut the fuck up real quickly.

Jasper shrugged again. "I sit next to her in my Spanish class. She seemed perfectly normal to me. Smart, nice even…"

"Define normal, Jasper. It's not fucking her." I retorted, unable to believe my ears. So much for our bromance. We were done.

"Don't you think you're over-reacting just a little bit here?" Jasper asked, Emmett nodded like the dumbass he was on the other side of me.

"No, I don't. You guys don't know how much of a bitch she was to me on Saturday. In my own fucking house no less. This is complete bullshit and you know it."

"Oh come on, man. She can't be that bad once you get to know her. Besides, she's hot as shit…so she's got that goin' for her." Emmett offered.

"Whose side are you fucking on?" I didn't wait for them to answer. "Mine. You're on my fucking side. Act like it."

"Alright, alright…don't get your panties in a twist, Ed. All I'm saying is that the girl is good-looking. So even if she's total bitch, and I'm not sayin' she is or isn't because I'm not really quantified---"

"Qualified." Jasper and I corrected him at the same time.

"Whatever, fuckfaces," he continued with a wave of his hand. "What I'm trying to say here is that even if she's a bitch to you, at least she's got the hot factor working for her. That's a good a distraction as any. So, when you're working with her and she's starting to piss you off, just look at her tits, or her hair, or her legs, or whatever gets you off, and then you'll probably feel better."

Thank you, Dr. McCarty. Fucker.

"You know, Emmett may be on to something there…" Jasper added.

"Fuck you both."

"You're welcome." Emmett bellowed as he headed towards his next class with Jasper.

I was not going to thank him for that shit. Neither one of them were helping. I let out one more frustrated sigh as I walked into my next class. Thankfully, the bitch was not invading this particular one. But as far as I was concerned, she might as well have. My day and my week and the rest of my semester were officially ruined.

And I had to be alone with her tonight. For at least one full hour of productive work time. Fuck my life.

* * *

**So now the title and central plot of the story has been explained. I hope this chapter cleared up any major questions you might have had about that. **

**And as always, leave me a review and let me know what you think!!**


	3. Little Kids and War Paint

**Sorry this took a little longer than I thought it was going to. **

Chapter Three

BPOV

"Marley and Me's due back tomorrow before midnight and…you have Body of Lies until Saturday. Have a great day!"

I handed the movies to the customer as she passed me on her way out the door without so much as a thanks. Ugh.

Apparently, customers at video stores were exactly the same no matter which city you worked in. The Phoenix store was always crawling with customers, each one fighting for all the hot new releases so they could go back to their one bedroom apartments and their pint of Ben and Jerry's and couldn't care less about common courtesy or anything like that. At least, that was the norm in Phoenix.

Since I, in some strange and disorienting moment of clarity, had had the foresight to have my manager in Phoenix call the only video store in Forks and put in a good word for me, I was immediately put on the schedule and thrown into the mix like the old pro I was. I guess that was what two years at a mostly dead-end job will get you.

I glanced at the clock and sighed. It was only 8:00. Which meant that I still had an hour to kill at work until Assward came to pick me up. Why oh why did I not have my own vehicle? Why? That was really the root of all my problems at this point. The project, out of my hands. Having to meet with him three times a week for an hour, out of my control. But having him pick me up after work so we could work on said project? Oh my God, this was all Charlie's fault. That's what I was going to do. Blame my father. That was easy enough. If only he didn't have to patrol tonight. If only he had found a way to get me some old beater, I wouldn't be in this predicament. Oh, and it was Renee's fault too for teaching me how to spend money instead of save it. _Thanks, Mom. Those skills you taught me are sure coming in handy now._ Fuck me and fuck this goddamn town.

As if my day could possibly get any worse, I'd already had a run-in with Mike Newton the Jackass. He couldn't have found out where I worked that quickly but sure enough, the prick came waltzing in about an hour earlier. God must hate me. Seriously. And the second he saw me, I knew I was a goner. I was pretty sure I now officially had a stalker, more or less. Great.

"Bella! I didn't know you worked here!" He had said, much to eager and enthusiastic for my taste, waving like a complete fool.

God, maybe I should amend the no assholes policy to keep-the-creepers-at-bay policy. At least I had my pepper spray with me though. That had made me feel a little bit better, which was probably as good as it was going to get anyhow.

Maybe Charlie could get me a restraining order. That would show him.

Completely unaware of my hatred and disgust, Mike had sauntered over to the counter like we were old pals, or lovers, which was even more disgusting and started asking me about which new releases I'd seen, if there were any I could recommend to him, and oh, by the way, did I know of any really good old horror movies that he might potentially like?

Fuck me.

But my new manager had been watching me like a hawk. So I put on my happy face and spewed out my syrupy sweet customer service skills like my life depended on it. And I had sinking feeling that with this particular job, it probably did.

Like the good little video store employee I was, I got out from behind the counter and proceeded to walk him to all of my recommendations and anything else he asked me about. Of course, it was all for my new manager's sake, so I could show him that I was, indeed, qualified to work there and that my old manager hadn't just been blowing smoke up his ass, but Mike, unfortunately, didn't know that. He ate that shit up like nobody's business and I wanted to hang myself I was so frustrated and disgusted. As I took him from one spot around the store to the next, he followed me around like an animal would its prey, probably eyeing up my ass every chance he got. Fucking asshole. And people wonder why my current policy was in effect.

When Mike the Dick finally left with a whole shitload of movies in hand, my manager gave me the thumbs-up. Well, at least I knew I most likely had job security now, at least for the time being.

So all in all, my day was going pretty fucking shitty.

Ugh. Twenty-five minutes until the asshole of the hour showed up. I, seriously, have no idea how I managed to get myself in these predicaments. I must be either be an asshole magnet or incredibly susceptible to bad luck. Or probably both. I don't know what sick, twisted fucked-up world I lived in because I was about to spend the rest of my night with the one guy I absolutely, under no circumstances, should be alone in a room with. There was no telling what would happen. And I had a sinking feeling I would either kill him or fuck him and neither one of those was necessarily an appealing or realistic option for me.

He had to be, without a doubt, the most frustrating guy I'd ever met in my life. I just couldn't figure him out. First, on Saturday, he comes off as an actually nice guy, with slightly good intentions, with a fucking great taste in music, hot as hell, that lop-sided grin that practically soaked my panties, and we have one of the best, most honest conversations I'd had in a very, very long time about things I usually avoided like the plague. In the next instant, the guy does a 180 and pulls the asshole, I-may-have-seemed-nice-but-I-just-really-wanted-to-get-in-your-soaking-panties routine. Fucking jerk. Then at school today, he ignored me like nothing ever happened and like I'm not even in the goddamn room, let alone in the seat right next to him. He never even acknowledged me. Not that I was expecting him to jump up and pull out the chair for me or anything but I was expecting _something_. Some kind of flicker of recognition. Maybe, I was being completely honest with myself, I was looking for some sign that I had been wrong. That he really wasn't the motherfucker I thought he was, that there had just been a big misunderstanding and he was actually that nice guy I'd met on Saturday. But no such luck. His avoidance and general behavior in English class told me everything I needed to know. Asshole through and through.

And of course, he would be incredibly intelligent. Of course, he would be. It would've made things so much easier if he'd just been a stupid, typical dumb as a box of rocks jock. But I had quickly learned, at least where academics were considered, that he was anything but typical. He was actually smart and met me head-on, point for point during class. That was something I was definitely not used to. And as much as I hated to admit it, it was a little bit of a turn-on. Any guy that had read "Wuthering Heights" outside of the classroom limits had to be. But that wasn't enough.

I glanced at the clock again. Ugh. 8:30. I still had waayy too much time to kill.

Just then, the bell on the door chimed, signaling that new customers had arrived. I was just turning around to say hello to them when I froze.

_Edward_ fucking _Cullen_, Jasper Whitlock, and Emmett McCarty were standing by the door, all three of them grinning at me with stupid, shit-eating grins on their faces.

Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"You're early." I bit out, clenching my teeth so I didn't say anything else that could potentially piss off my manager.

"Well, hello to you too." Dickward chuckled, which was really starting to grate on my last nerve.

"Hi Bella!" Emmett waved like a two-year-old.

Gah. What had Rosalie gotten herself into with this one?

Jasper just smiled and nodded to me, looking over at both his friends and laughing. Well, at least one of three was semi-sane instead of semi-retarded. Now I understood what Alice saw in him. He seemed to be the calming center of the three, the most mellow, and definitely the most sane…so maybe opposites really do attract.

"You're early." I repeated. AKA: What the fuck are you idiots doing here a half hour early? On second thought, I probably already knew the answer to that question.

"Oh, since the boys were over at my house already anyways, we figured we'd rent a movie for later tonight after our little rendezvous." Assward answered, resting his elbows on the counter and looking at me with a look in his eye that made me really nervous. He drummed his hands on the counter for a couple of moments, probably just to further piss me off, and when he stopped, he looked right up at me again and cocked that lop-sided grin at me. Fuck.

"Yeah…can we get something cool like Open Season 2 or oh! Madagascar! Let's get Madagascar!" Emmett bellowed, causing several other customers to gawk at him in shock and disapproval.

"Jesus Christ…we are not renting any little kid movies, Emmett. My God." Jasper reasoned, rolling his eyes for dramatic effect.

Jerkward just laughed at both of them, shaking his head.

"Guys, let's just get something with Jason Statham. The new Transporter is out. Let's just get that." Emmett offered.

"Already saw it." Jasper cut in, as him and Emmett started off down the new release wall and began to bicker over which movie sucked, which one was amazing, which one had hot girls in it, and so on.

Which left me alone at the counter with the asshole. His eyebrows rose suggestively, as if he had just made the exact same realization, and exhaled deeply.

"So…" he started slowly.

Yeah, like that was going to work.

"I need to get back to work." I bit out through clenched teeth. Just his mere presence was royally pissing me off.

He smirked and nodded. "I see. Well, considering I'm a customer and all, I need some help finding something."

Oh God.

"Okkaaayy." I drawled out like I was talking to a two-year-old. An emotional two-year-old, more specifically.

"I'm looking for something…more adult."

Huh. And here I thought he might actually be mature and let me finish my shift in peace. My bad.

"Like what?" I retorted, quickly going into customer service mode, considering that my manager was only a few feet away and could hear the entire exchange.

Prickward scratched his chin in thought, like he was pondering a monumental decision. Yeah, right.

"Something from the back room. Got any suggestions, Swan?" He rose an eyebrow at me, shooting me that goddamn lop-sided grin and I wanted to murder him right where he stood. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly hate him anymore than I already did.

At this point, Emmett and Jasper were standing behind Fuckward and hanging on every word being exchanged between us.

"Well, Cullen, what are you into?"

If he could play the last name game, so could I. Fuckhead.

His face scrunched up in thought and he scratched his chin again as he thought. Shit, that was cute. I hated him.

"Hmm…it's hard to choose. Girl on girl is always good. But I'm looking for some entertainment tonight. Any good movie rip-offs you've seen you think I might enjoy after you leave?" His mouth was twisted in an evil smirk that made me want to smack him into next week.

Emmett and Jasper, naturally, were completely engrossed, eagerly anticipating my reply.

Guess what, assholes? You messed with the wrong video store employee. You fuck with the bull, you're going to get the horns.

"Well, let's head back there and I'll show you some you might like."

Without waiting for a reply from the three assholes, I left the counter and made my way towards the adult room. I didn't even need to look behind me to know all three of them were following closely at my heels to see what would happen next.

I pushed through the doors and gestured around with my hand.

"To start off with, there's always the tried and true Porn Wars movies. Let's see, Brokecrack Mountain, The Porn Fidelity, Very Bad Santa, King Dong, Cock Club…you know, porn for Fight Club…what else…Pirates…just like Pirates of the Caribbean supposedly, and my personal favorite, The Da Vinci Load."

All three assholes' jaws had already dropped at this point. I didn't give any of them a chance to even attempt to respond to that; instead, I just kept going.

"Now, if you want to get away from those movie rip-offs," I kept gesturing around to each one as I spoke. "There's always Britney Rears, any of the Jenna Jameson ones, always classic, One Night in Paris, all the Whores Don't Wear Panties, , Black Poles in White Holes, Where the Boys Aren't, I'm Old Enough to Be Your Mother, MILF Does a Body Good, Naughty Nurses, all the Yellow Tail movies, Debbie Does Dallas, oh…and we have Sylvester Stallone's movie too, The Italian Stallion, just in case you didn't see it yet. Let's see…the Pornomation movies are pretty good, or so I've been told…and we just got in my new personal favorite in this whole room…Who's Nailin' Palin? That is easily the best one we have. So there you go, I'm sure you'll be able to find something to your liking now."

Jasper, Emmett, and Assward just stared back at me, jaws open, eyes wide with shock and surprise and…was that a little drool there I saw on Fuckward's mouth? Yes, yes it was. Ha.

Finally, Emmett spoke while Jasper and Dickward openly gaped at me.

"That," he whispered. "Was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

"I concur." Jasper replied quietly, shaking his head in disbelief.

Better believe it, bitches.

Of course, Shitward just stood there, like his feet were rooted to the floor, staring at me with his mouth hung wide open. Completely and totally speechless. Damn right.

"So…uh…" Emmett continued to stutter. "You've seen all these movies?"

Jasper smacked him in the back of the head.

"Ow, shit…what'd you do that for?" Emmett called out, rubbing his hand with his face twisted hilariously in confusion.

"Of course she hasn't seen all these movies…" Jasper paused to cock an eyebrow at me. "Right…Bella?"

Hmm…what to do, what to do? I really should just be honest, come clean…but on the other hand, getting a reaction out of them was just too sweet to pass up.

So, like the little tease I was, I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "We're not supposed to recommend movies we haven't seen so…"

I shot all three of them a suggestive look, lingering on Doucheward the longest just for good measure, before turning on my heel and leaving them in my dust. Hahahaha, bet they never saw that one coming.

It didn't take the idiot patrol long to get their asses out of the adult room and as soon as I heard the doors opening, I immediately stopped what I was doing and shot them all a big smirk. Serves them right for being retards. A quick glance at the clock told them that I only had five minutes left of my shift; I wasn't sure whether to be happy or nervous about this now. Fucking asshole…he seemed to be completely and totally disrupting everything in my life right now.

They must have just grabbed the nearest movie they could find because they were all up at the counter within moments, Jasper and Emmett still watching me with wide eyes, and the fuckface himself was looking everywhere but at me.

"Uh…we'll be outside…" Assward said quietly, still not looking me in the eye.

By the time I had clocked out, grabbed my stuff, and made it outside, they were already sitting in a silver Volvo waiting, seemingly patient, for me. Shitward was behind the wheel. Of course he would be driving a brand new Volvo. He was fucking sitting in that thing with such an air of entitlement that I wanted to vomit the Mountain Dew I had just chugged right into his face. Emmett waved to me, like the two-year-old he was, in the back seat while Jasper just shook his head at him. Doucheward turned around and said something to Emmett. I couldn't quite figure out what he had said but whatever it was, it made Emmett immediately face forward, hands in his lap, like a little kid who had just been yelled at by his dad.

This was going to be a very, very, very long night.

With a heavy sigh, I walked around to the passenger seat, a little bit surprised that at least one of them was being a gentleman and letting me sit in the front seat. The second I shut the door, Assward had the Volvo in reverse and was speeding out the parking lot like someone had lit a fire under his ass. Apparently, he wanted to get our little 'rendezvous' over as quickly as I did. Well, I guess we had at least one thing in common then. Go figure.

"So Bella," Emmett called from behind me. "How was work?"

Ignoring the low muttering coming from Dickward next to me, I turned my head to meet the big goofy mass of muscle that was Emmett. It was amazing how a dude that huge could come off so incredibly harmless.

"It was fine, Emmett, thanks."

He sent a toothy grin and I couldn't help but smile back. Maybe I was starting to get what Rosalie saw in him.

Against my better judgment, I cast a look towards the asshole to my left and didn't even try to stop the look of disgust when I saw him. He was hunched over in his seat, both hands clenched tightly on the wheel, staring straight of head of him with an annoyed and slightly tense expression on his face. Jerk.

"So you and Cullen have a project together, huh?" Emmett asked casually.

I didn't miss the look Assward sent him through the rearview mirror.

"Uh…yeah, it's going to be tons of fun, I'm sure." I replied dismissively. The absolute last thing I wanted to talk about was the debacle that was about to take place.

Jasper snorted from the back seat. "Yeah, you can say that again. I cannot wait for this shit to go down."

"And why would that be?"

Ah, the fuckhead finally speaks. He was now glaring daggers at Jasper from the rearview mirror. Oh, this was obviously a sore spot with him. Imagine that. At least we both weren't fooling ourselves into believing this was going to be anything but the excruciatingly painful experience it was sure as hell going to be.

"Well," Jasper continued, all three a-holes completely oblivious to my staggering annoyance. "Just watching the two of you…trying to do _anything _besides attempt to kill each other is going to be the highlight of my evening…just so you know."

Alright, scratch any thoughts I'd been entertaining about Jasper actually being a nice guy. As it turned out, he was just a guy. Plain and simple. Poor, poor Alice.

Dickward clenched the steering wheel a little bit tighter and I have to admit, seeing him so pissed off was satisfying as hell. Fuck him and the Volvo he rode in on.

The rest of the ride went pretty smoothly…nothing but awkward silence between me and Doucheward and the constant bickering between the goons in the back seat. Until I started freezing my ass off…that was when things started to get a little bit weird.

I was practically shaking I was shivering so hard and started reaching out to turn the dial down on the air conditioning when my hand collided with his. Apparently, he had been about to do the exact same thing but…that's not necessarily the point.

The second our skin touched, a jolt went straight through me. I jumped back in shock and on reflex, my eyes collided with his. A look passed between us…I'm not really sure exactly what happened but it was the strangest, most uncomfortable moments I'd experienced in a long time. He looked away after a moment but for that split second there was…I don't know what. All I knew was that he had the fucking greenest eyes I'd ever seen in my life. My heart was beating way too fast and I had to take quick breaths just to feel somewhat normal again. God, it was only a brief, not even a full second of contact and it had completely disoriented me. What the _fuck_ was wrong with me?

By the time, we pulled into the asshole's fucking beast of a mansion, I was still reeling from that weird moment in his car. Jasper and Emmett went bounding into the house like little kids and Shitward just followed after them, like nothing had ever happened. And maybe nothing did. Maybe I was losing my mind. Yeah, that was it.

Jasper and Emmett were already making a dead sprint for the TV when I walked into the hallway. Shit, this place was huge. I had forgotten how big and expensive it looked, especially since I probably hadn't really gotten the full effect due to the smoky, crowded, and dark atmosphere from Saturday night. But now…there was no hiding the fact that this was probably the nicest house I would ever see in my entire life. If I was doubting Alice's resentment of her cousin's nice cozy life, I definitely wasn't now.

"We can work here in the kitchen if you want or we could find some place else if you want to get away from those two."

Was he talking to me now?

My eyes immediately shifted to him but he was looking away and still had that annoyed expression on his face like this whole project was the biggest inconvenience of his life. He ran a hand through his hair and I felt a pang in my nether regions. Goddamn it all to hell, this fucking sucked.

"Or you can just stare at me like I'm a fucking idiot all night…that works too." He spat out at me, his eyes narrowing.

Fuck.

"Uh…here's fine. I guess it doesn't really matter." I responded shakily, uneasy with this whole thing.

"Let's just get this shit over with."

He pulled out a chair at the table and plopped himself down with a frustrated sigh. He grabbed his notebook and his book from his backpack and threw onto the table. That shit was really starting to get on my nerves. Seriously. Did he have to be such a cocksucker?

"Look," I bit out. "I don't like this anymore than you do but that doesn't mean you have to be such a jackass."

He let out a short laugh and raised his eyebrows, drumming his hands a couple times on the table. "Well, well…the bitch is back. I was starting to get worried there."

"Fuck you."

"You wish."

"Get bent."

"Can we get started now?"

He was fucking _laughing_ at me.

I didn't respond to his highness and instead pulled out my own notebook to get this over with. I wasn't about to let him get the best of me…besides, I still didn't entirely trust that he was going to contribute to the project so someone had to be the responsible one here.

"So where do we start?"

He looked at me like I was retarded. Nice.

"Uh…probably at the beginning?" Again with the looks.

"Are you intentionally being an asshole or is this just the way God fucking made you?" I spat back.

Talk about progress.

The asshole just smiled at me and leaned forward. "I thank God everyday for the way he made me."

I scoffed. "Shove it up your ass."

"Hey!" Emmett yelled from the living room. "I don't hear any talking about 'Wandering Smites' over there!"

"Wuthering Heights!" We both yelled back to him at the exact same time.

After another slightly awkward moment, not entirely unlike the one in his car, I flipped open my books and readied myself for a fun time.

"Alright, so…let's just do this and be done with it." I exhaled.

"That's what she said!" Jasper yelled from the living room.

"Fuck off, Whitlock! Can't you shut up for one fucking hour? You know what? No more RHCP in my car." Assward shouted back to him as he pulled a hand through his hair.

"Aw, come on! That's cold." Jasper whined.

"Cold, cold, cold." Emmett chimed in.

"Don't get me started with you too, fuckface."

Emmett immediately turned around and refocused his attention on the TV. As much as I hated to admit it, that was pretty impressive.

Dickward was looking at me again now. "So are we going to get started or what?"

Geez, pushy much?

I chose to ignore his tone and his obvious annoyance and got to business.

"Alright, so we know that Mr. Lockwood is the narrator in the first couple of chapters and Heathcliff comes off as a real asshole in the beginning. So…I'm sure we're supposed to analyze why the narrator is so important and why Heathcliff is the way he is."

He was nodding in agreement, already flipping open his notebook to take some notes on our conversation. Alright, so…maybe he was somewhat capable. Whatever. Still hated him.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that we're supposed to realize that something's happened to him to make him the way he is…he didn't just get that way on his own."

Now I was the one nodding. Weird. "Yeah and Mr. Lockwood's reaction to him is the natural one that most people would have in meeting him. I think he's representative of the outside observer in general. You know, he doesn't have all the facts but—"

"That's not it." He stated bluntly.

Right.

Not.

"Sure it is." I reaffirmed.

"The fact that the narrator isn't one of the main characters means that we can't really trust him. He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. He can't know."

"Well, if you'd just let me finish speaking before you cut me off…" I wasn't about to take that shit from him.

He opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it.

"And," I continued. "If that's the route you want to go, you could easily make the argument that just because a main character is narrating doesn't necessarily mean he or she has all the facts either. The narrator could still be completely in the dark about something and have absolutely no idea."

He shrugged. "I still think I'm right."

I just rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I still think you're wrong."

He blew out a long breath. "Alright…moving on. So we should probably mention in our write-up somewhere the way Heathcliff's appearance is described."

"Well, he's supposed to look like he's pissed off at the world and really…dark…" I offered.

"Dark?" His brow furrowed in confusion and he started tapping his pencil on his notebook as he stared right back at me. I had half a mind to grab the pencil out of his hand and snap it.

"Yeah." I replied in exasperation.

"What does that mean exactly?"

Ugh. How do you explain something like this to another guy, especially one as arrogant as him?

He was leaning back in his chair, watching me carefully, like his entire opinion of me resting on this one answer. Shit, if that was the case, that was a lot to live up to. Besides, his opinion of me had probably been solidified since Saturday anyways. Fuck it.

"Dark implies mystery…and danger. It's basically the kind of guy every girl is attracted to, whether they want to admit it or not. The bad boy. Sure, at this point in the story Heathcliff is more grouchy than anything but he's portrayed as someone who's probably been to hell and back and come out alive, battered and bruised but still alive…he's a survivor and we're supposed to recognize that whatever he's been through isn't something that's been haunting him, so to speak. It's also supposed to show us what Catherine saw in him in the first place…like I said, every girl loves mystery and danger…it's like the ultimate fantasy."

Shit, did I just say that? In front of him? It was like I was having some kind of crazy, warped out of body experience. I didn't like it.

His eyebrows rose in surprise and he smirked. "Huh. Well…I guess that makes sense. Maybe you should write that down just to make sure we got all that. It was pretty good stuff. I have to admit though…that's pretty surprising coming from you."

My eyes immediately narrowed. "Why is that?"

He just smirked again and linked his hands behind his head. I think I liked that a little too much.

"Does zero tolerance ring a bell to you?" He shot me that stupid lop-sided grin and I wanted to punch it right off his face. Fuckhead.

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, you've said that already."

"Seriously, I'm sick of this shit…I think we've got enough to do the stupid write-up. Can you take me home now?" I snapped out, flipping my books back into my back as I spoke.

I had had quite enough of Edward Cullen for the night.

Like the dickhead he was, he smirked at me yet again before shutting his books and standing up to yell to Jasper and Emmett that he was leaving.

I was perfectly fine with not speaking to him for the rest of the night but he decided to be a Chatty Cathy on the way to Charlie's house, probably just to piss me off. And unfortunately for me, it was fucking working. Asshole.

"So what exactly does a 'zero tolerance policy for assholes' entail?" He asked with fucking mock sincerity. I was seriously going to smack him pretty soon.

Well, fine. You wanted to know. You're going to find out, dickhead.

"I'm not going to put up with assholes like you anymore. I dealt with that shit way too much back in Phoenix and I'm not going to do it here."

"Ah, so based on your impressions of guys back in Phoenix, you're going to judge all the guys here before you ever spend any real time with them, huh?" He replied smugly.

"Well, considering I've already spent some time with you, my judgment isn't too far off."

Take that, you holier-than-thou jerk-off.

Of course, he responded in his typical asshole way…he stared right ahead, his jaw set, and his hands gripping the steering wheel pretty damn tightly. Apparently, he did not like what I had said. Served him right. Like I was going to give him another chance. He'd pretty much blown the only one he was going to get and he was pretty fucking lucky he had gotten the chance he did. But not like I was actually going to tell him that.

As soon as his stupid shiny Volvo pulled into the driveway, I grabbed my stuff and got out of there as fast as I could. He didn't even say anything to me as I left but I suppose I didn't really either. Screw this, I was so done. The entire night was one big awkward, infuriating train wreck of a mess and I was willing to guess that Prickward was congratulating himself at that very moment for making me as uncomfortable and angry as possible. I had tried to be productive and get this project done in one piece, I really did but he did nothing but piss me off every chance he got.

This means fucking war, asshole. War.

* * *

**So the big project is finally under way and...yes, I do work at a video store and yes, those movies really exist. Let me know what you thought!!**


	4. Playing Some Donkey Kong

**Alright, so I know this is short but I haven't been doing a very good job of updating regularly and I wanted to post something this week for you guys. Even though it's short, this chapter is pretty important...especially in terms of character development and all that good stuff. Hope you like. **

Chapter Four

EPOV

"I don't care what you say; Nelly isn't a reliable narrator either."

I sighed and ran a hand through my already fucked up hair. I had to clench my fists because I was so god-damned frustrated. There was just no reasoning with this girl.

"She's the closest to the situation and she knows Catherine and Heathcliff probably better than anyone. How does that make her untrustworthy?" I bit out in exasperation.

Shit, after three meetings, you'd think we'd have gotten over this. Wrong.

"That's exactly why she's untrustworthy," Bella retorted, crossing her arms over her chest which, of course, made her cleavage that much more visible. Nice.

"She's too close to them. She can't see the situation objectively." She continued, completely unaware of my ogling.

"Just because she's close to the situation doesn't mean she can't see it for what it really is. She knows that Heathcliff and Catherine are bad for each other and that's why she doesn't get involved with all their fucking drama."

"Whatever," Bella exhaled, blowing the hair out of her face. "Let's just agree to disagree and move on, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Thank fucking God.

She started flipping through the book again to figure out what we should discuss next just as Emmett walked into the kitchen.

"You kids playing nice?" He said, wiggling his eyebrows like the fucking retard he was.

"Of course, Em." Bella replied without even looking up at him and he just bent down and ruffled her hair.

Em? Since when the fuck did she call him that? Since when the fuck were her and Emmett friends? Ever since our first little rendezvous, things had changed. Somehow, all three of them, Alice, Rosalie, and Bella, had finagled seats at the boys' table. This did not sit well with me. At all. The boys table meant boys only. It was plain and simple and a well known fact around school that that was our table and no one else sat there. Ever. So why in God's name did the appearance of this girl suddenly throw everything into the shitter? There was just no explanation for it.

Actually I take that back. I knew exactly why Jasper and Emmett, in particular, were in the midst of Bella-worship. That goddamn, motherfucking stunt she pulled at the video store. To Emmett and Jasper, it was nothing short of legendary. Which wasn't saying much, considering the source but whatever.

Sure, I had expected Alice to immediately pounce on being friends with her and for Rosalie to follow suit just because. But Jasper and Emmett? What the fuck? It was like all five of them were suddenly one big happy family, not to mention the fact that Jasper was getting a little too friendly with my cousin…but that was beside the point. They all seemed to be joined at the hip in school, with me trailing behind, pouting like a little baby, and I knew it was only a matter of time until all three girls had successfully infiltrated boys' night.

Hell, Bella already had. One down, two to go.

What the fuck was going on here?

"Hey, can I ask a stupid question?" Bella was looking at me now.

"Uh…sure."

"Why are your parents never home?"

Huh. Well, better to be honest, I guess. Not like it really mattered all that much anyways.

"Well…it's complicated."

Her mouth curved into a little smile and I felt myself wanting to smile back.

"I'm sure I can keep up."

"Ah…well…I'm sure you already know that my dad is a doctor," I paused so she could nod. "Yeah, so he travels around the country a lot to for conferences and to give lectures. I'm not entirely sure where he goes every weekend…we don't seem to talk long enough for that to actually happen…"

Shit, why was I telling her all of this? I didn't need to go into the details and she probably didn't really want to know either…

"And my mom is a lawyer so she's in Seattle most of the time to meet with clients and everything so…"

"So, basically, they work too much and neglect you too much?" She asked thoughtfully.

Well, that was a rare reaction from her. I wasn't sure what to make of all this. Maybe she fell and hit her head or something.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say _neglected…_that's probably exaggerating…but for what it's worth, I always have the house to myself on the weekends, which definitely has more advantages than disadvantages." I said with a cocky smile, my thoughts going back to all the times that had definitely been to my advantage.

"Right…so you can commit debauchery and fornicate every weekend?" She replied, cocking her head to one side.

Ah. There she is.

"Exactly. I'm glad you understand."

That's pretty much how these meetings were playing out. We did our work. We wrote shit down. We argued. We argued some more. We wrote shit down. Then we argued some more. And then I took her home. It was a fucked up routine but it was a routine nonetheless. Aunt Esme probably couldn't have hoped for much more from us and should probably be thanking her lucky fucking stars that Bella and I had murdered each other yet.

The next day at school went exactly how every other day was seeming to go. Jasper panted after Alice. Rosalie and Emmett were too busy scoping out the nearest closet or empty classroom to duck in to notice anything or anyone else. And Bella and I politely ignored each other as much as possible. Sure, we interacted if we absolutely had to. But I'm talking opposite ends of the lunch table polite. She kept her distance and so did I.

If anything, we seemed to have figured out a way to keep our differences aside and actually produce quality work. Aunt Esme praised it regularly, which to my surprise, had Bella looking pretty embarrassed. Her face never failed to turn beet red whenever Aunt Esme mentioned our stellar work in class. I really didn't see what the big deal was and there was something to be said about taking recognition where it was due. That was a lesson Bella obviously hadn't learned yet.

B y lunch, everything going fine. I was somehow keeping Jessica as far away from my dick as possible and it wasn't for her lack of trying. I got an A on my Spanish test and considering I hadn't had a chance to even think about studying on the bus the night before, I'd say that was pretty fucking spectacular. We had another game tonight and we were going to kick some La Push fucking ass. So all in all, when I sat down at our regular table, I was having a pretty damn good day.

Of course that was all shot to hell in the span of about five minutes.

The landslide started when Bella plopped down right next to me. Now, already, I knew something was up. She never, and I mean never, sat next to me if she could help it. I wasn't complaining but it was a plain and simple fact. She never sat next to me. All my quality time spent with chicks had well-equipped me to analyze the situation. There was really only one reason for the sudden seating arrangement upheaval. So, the question was, what the fuck did she want?

"Hey Edward." She said quietly.

She was purposefully refusing to look me in the eye. Yeah, something was definitely fucking up.

"Hey…so what do you want?" I said cockily, just to prove to her that I read right through her little game.

Naturally, the shields immediately went up. "Oh, so, just because I'm sitting to you next today means I want something from you?"

I frowned. "Well…yeah…"

"Jesus fucking Christ…are we going to meet tonight or what?"

Oo…the claws were out.

"Uh…I have a game tonight so I probably won't be much help to you and anyways, the guys and I always have a little shindig at my place anyways…"

Her brows furrowed like she had forgotten or something. "Shindig? Don't you have big parties at your house after games?"

"Only on weekends." I smirked.

"Ah. I see….alright, so I guess we'll have to reschedule then…"

I was about to answer her when dumb fucking Emmett just _had _to butt in like the little backstabbing asshole he was.

"Why don't you just come over after our game, Bells? It's only an hour." He grinned and I wanted to punch him in the fucking face.

This wasn't happening. Boys' night was sacred. What the _fuck_ was he doing inviting her over? Especially after a game. Fucker had lost his damn mind.

"Wait, so you and Jasper will be there too tonight?" Alice was asking Emmett now.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Well, yeah…it's tradition. We sit around, watch ESPN, drink a couple brewskies, you know…boys' night."

Oh no, oh no, oh no…fuck this shit right up the ass. I was going to murder Emmett in his fucking sleep tonight.

"So, that's all you guys do?" Rosalie was asking now.

Not good.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal." Jasper chimed in.

Et tu, Jasper?

"So…would it be alright if we came with Bella then?" Alice was giving her best puppy dog eyes to Jasper. He didn't stand a fucking chance. Shit.

"Uhh…" he stammered. "I guess…I guess that would be okay, right Emmett?"

Emmett just mumbled out a response, his eyes locked on Rosalie, who was giving him 'the eyes'. I had a bad feeling she was doing something completely school inappropriate to him under the table but I wasn't about to look to find out.

"What do you think, Edward? Is it alright if they come with? You wouldn't have to pick me up or bring me home then…I could just ride with Alice and Rosalie." Bella said to me quietly.

I knew exactly what was going to happen if I said yes. This was going to become a fucking routine. All three chicks were going to start regularly infiltrating boys' night whenever they pleased until there wasn't anymore boys' night. And while I was positive I was the only one of my friends left with their testicles intact, I didn't want to be the asshole and say no. Besides, I couldn't really think of a legitimate reason against it, especially after the ironclad point Bella had just made. So, really, I didn't have much of a choice.

"Well…I don't see why not. But after me and Bella are done, I'm kicking you ladies out." I stated. There. One hour of boys' night was all I was willing to sacrifice for these chicks. Jasper and Emmett fucking owed me for life. For. Life.

"Shut up, Edward." Alice yelled over to me from the opposite end of the table.

If she wasn't my fucking cousin…

God, Jasper had no idea what he was getting himself into.

"Alright, so one of you guys will just let us know when to come over, right?" Bella asked, blowing out a breath and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

Now, I still had my issues with Bella. She was a pain in my ass, smart as hell, but a pain in my ass nonetheless. And sometimes, I wanted to fucking strangle her. But every time she did that thing with her hair, I wanted to tangle my hands in it for hours. It just looked so goddamn soft. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to touch it.

And that wasn't at all creepy in any way, shape, or form.

Absolutely not.

Bella is a bitch. Bella is a bitch. Bella is a bitch.

Anyways, by the time I had gotten fucking hold of myself, lunch was over and I had to figure out how to make through the rest of this day without shoving a pencil in my eye. And everything had been going so well.

__________

Well, at least I didn't get hurt during the game. That would have been the icing on my fucked-in-the-ass cake. And we beat those cocky La Push motherfuckers and that was almost enough to completely re-boost my spirits…and then I remembered the ass backwards plans for the evening to celebrate our big win.

Of course, if this game had taken place on a Friday or Saturday, boys' night would have been pushed aside for an all-out, massive brain-cell reduction shit show of a celebration but it was a Thursday. So that would just have to wait for tomorrow night because not only did we have yet another game (and fuck if our game schedule wasn't a cleat to the balls), but we were going to win that one too.

Despite my last ditch efforts to derail the evening, like the whipped bitch he was, Emmett called Rosalie to tell them to come over. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was deal with those three chicks. All three of them annoyed me for variously annoying reasons and I was sore and tired and all I fucking wanted to do was have a beer, watch some TV, and sleep. Fuck, if I wanted to perform half as good tomorrow as I did tonight, I needed to rest up.

They had an hour. That was fucking it.

I had barely gotten out of the shower when I heard that little hellion burst through the front door. She probably pounced right on Jasper. That poor, poor bastard.

There was some commotion which I assumed was Rosalie mauling Emmett right in my house. Nothing like an orgy in the middle of your living room. Of course, when said orgy participants are your best friends and their respective bitches…yeah, not as appealing.

Despite my better judgment, I headed to the living room only to find Rosalie straddling Emmett on my couch and Jasper trying to up the balls to put his arm around my cousin. This was the most pathetic display I'd ever seen in my life. Bella was far off to the side, shifting her feet nervously. She definitely looked as uncomfortable with the situation as I felt. Well, I guess that was one thing we had in common.

When she saw me, I motioned with my head towards the kitchen and she scrambled for her backpack to get the hell outta there.

As soon as we were safely in the kitchen, she plopped her backpack on the table and pushed her hair off her forehead. Again with the hair. I think I shivered a little. No, no I didn't.

"Sorry about all this…I know you probably not very happy right now but there wasn't much I could do about it." She exhaled.

I just shrugged. "Ah…don't worry about it. I don't think there was anything either one of us could really do about this whole thing so…"

She was watching me very carefully and that made me very nervous. I fucking hated that shit. I never got nervous around chicks. Fucking never.

"Well…I guess we should get to work then." She said quietly.

I shoved my hands in front pockets and rolled back a little on my heels, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable than I had in the room with the fornicators.

"Yeah…"

Awkward.

Ten minutes later, we were fucking arguing. Big surprise there.

"That is complete bullshit! I don't care what you think…Cathy is manipulative bitch!" I spat out.

She pulled a hand through her hair and tossed it over her shoulder again. For a split second, my frustration wavered. Then I remembered why she pissed me off so fucking much.

"If that's what you think then you are exactly the type of guy I've always thought you were!" She yelled back at me.

"Oh really? And what's that? One that isn't interesting in putting his dick in you?"

She froze and for a moment, I was nervous she was going to slap me. I was actually a little shocked when she didn't.

"You're a fucking asshole."

"Tell me something I don't know."

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. I was actually enjoying myself though. As much as she pissed me off, there was nothing I liked more than seeing Bella red with fury. She swung her hair around again and I was beginning to think she was doing that on fucking purpose…like she knew what that shit did to me.

She took a deep breath and blew it out before speaking again. "Alright, so…instead of ripping each other's throats out, we should probably be talking this through. "

"Fine."

"Why, exactly, is Cathy a manipulative bitch?"

Hmm…how to explain the term manipulative bitch to an equally manipulative bitch without getting your eyes scratched out?

"Well…the thing is…she's spoiled brat who always gets what she want…and if she doesn't, she throws a temper tantrum like the immature little baby she is. She doesn't care what Heathcliff wants and definitely doesn't give a shit about his happiness because she ran off and married that Linton guy. She left him to fucking rot and she'll get everything she deserves."

There. Take that and run with it.

Watching her fume was fucking priceless. Truth be told, I didn't even agree with half the shit I just said. I just liked pissing her off.

Instead of flipping her shit like I was expecting, she just cocked her head and smirked at me.

"You sound just like Heathcliff."

What the fuck?

"What the fuck?"

She smirked again, like she was laughing about some inside joke I didn't have a shot in hell at ever understanding. Needless to say, I did not like where this was headed at all. I didn't have any major problems with the character of Heathcliff but when it came right down to it, I didn't want to be compared to that guy either. Dude was fucked up.

"Always blaming Cathy for everything."

Fuck that.

"Well, it's all her fault anyway."

Now that I completely agreed with.

She crossed her arms over her chest again and narrowed her eyes.

Uh oh. Not good.

"Oh so it's always the woman's fault then?"

I just shrugged that one off. She wasn't going to corner me into the misogynist trap if I could help it.

"In this case, it is."

She nodded with a weird smile on her face that was pretty fucking unnerving to say the least. I really didn't like where this was going.

"You know…there's been something about Heathcliff that I hadn't been able to put my finger on…something really familiar…until tonight. You're just like Heathcliff."

Hold the phone. Back up. What the fuck?

"I hope you're not implying what I think you're implying."

"I most definitely am."

"That's bullshit."

She smiled and leaned back in her chair. "No it isn't. Not when you think about it at least."

I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. "Fine…enlighten me, oh wise Bella."

"Well, it's pretty easy when you think about it. All of this…" she waved her hands around the room like it was supposed to mean something. "All of the crazy parties, your attitude…the girls…everything…you're just completely overcompensating for something…just like Heathcliff."

I had nothing to say to that. It was too fucking crazy to dignify with a response. So she just kept right on talking.

"You don't like yourself...you don't like some of the things you have to do but I think you're really just doing it for attention…you know, the whole mom and dad don't pay attention to me, don't love me enough so I'm going to act out as much as I can so no one can see how much it affects me. And…to top it off, I think you think you're owed all this attention because of it."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. Oh and you know what else?"

"Try me." I bit out through clenched teeth.

"I think the reason why you have so many commitment issues is because you have no idea how to get what you want without ruining it."

What. The. Fuck.

Where did she get off saying that shit? She didn't fucking know anything about me…well, two can play at this game, honey.

"You know, I think you take a good hard look at your own analysis. You know, if you really think about it, you're kinda like Catherine too."

She scoffed at that and rolled her eyes. "Please. You're just saying that because I hurt your feelings."

"You didn't hurt anything. I'm just pointing out the facts."

"Fine. Bring it on."

Oh…it's on. It's on like Donkey Kong.

"Considering this is all in theory, right?"

She nodded with a smirk. "Well…theories that are being proven."

I rolled my eyes. "Right, anyways…let's think about Catherine for a second. What's the main reason why Catherine chooses not to be with Heathcliff?"

"She doesn't choose not to be with him…she can't."

I nodded. "Right, but why? Come on, Bella…you've said this yourself before. What's the one thing keeping Catherine and Heathcliff apart?"

She frowned and bit her lip. "Society."

Bingo.

"Right. You've said a million times in our meetings that the main reason they can't be together is because society won't let them but you've been wrong this entire time. Society is indirectly at fault here. Catherine is the one that cares too much what society thinks to allow it to happen. She doesn't want to be a social outcast so she casts out Heathcliff instead."

"Alright. But I still don't see what this has to do with me."

"Well, I'm getting to that part. So…let's get back to you then. You come into town, all high and mighty and shit and throwing accusations around, claiming you have a zero tolerance policy for assholes. You know, all this bullshit about you not wanting to have anything to do with guys that are only after one thing and all that. But you know what? I think the real reason you dreamed all that up is because you don't want anyone here to think you're a slut. You care too much about what everyone thinks so…in doing that, you're not letting yourself do what you really want to do."

She was not happy.

"Which is?"

"Come on, Bella…you haven't given any guy here in Forks a chance. You just automatically assume that every single one is just after some pussy. Now, that may be true about some of them but definitely not all of them. But you haven't given anyone a chance so you wouldn't know, would you?"

I sat back and folded my hands in front of my on the table for effect. She probably needed a little time to let all that shit I just spewed sink in. Serves her fucking right.

"That…that…that's not true…God, you're such an asshole!" She finally stammered out angrily.

"You know I'm right…besides, the thing that really gets me is that if Heathcliff had no idea how to get what he wanted, then Cathy _definitely_ didn't. You guys are both too afraid of what everyone thinks to even give it a try."

"Maybe Cathy was realistic enough to know there wasn't a chance in hell of it ever working out, she didn't bother." Bella whispered back angrily.

I shrugged. "Maybe…but you know I have a point."

Bella took a quick glance at the clock and sighed, probably out of relief.

"Time's up."

"Thank God."

* * *

**So how accurate do you think all their observations were? I think they're pretty spot on but that's just me. Anyways, let me know what you think!**


	5. The Problem

**Two updates in one week? WTF?? Haha...happy graduation to me so I decided to spend it writing. How sad is that? Haha! Anyways, I hope you like this one because there's a lot more going on in this chapter than in the last one. And, I have to say, one giant leap forward for B & E. Hope you like!!**

Chapter Five

BPOV

"No…Bella…no…please, no…" Alice pleaded as we pulled into the parking lot.

"Yeah, I don't think this is a very good idea." Rosalie added, swinging her car into the nearest parking space. She swiftly shut the engine off and then both her and Alice were staring at me with petrified eyes.

Unfortunately for them, I had made up my mind earlier today that this shit was most definitely going down. I couldn't take it anymore because enough was just fucking enough. I didn't have to be subjected to this day after day.

Here and now, this issue was going to be resolved. There would be no going back but I didn't really care.

"There's got to be another way. I don't think this is the best solution to the problem." Rosalie reasoned.

I just shook my head.

"Sorry, Rosalie. I've made up my mind…because, if I do this, then they'll all fucking leave me alone."

Alice looked like she was biting down on her lip awfully hard. "Come on, Bella…let's just talk about this. We don't even have to go in there just yet."

Well, shit. It wasn't like I was going to leap off a roof or anything.

"Yeah, I mean, maybe there's something else we could try first and then we can think about _this_ if that doesn't work." Rosalie tried reasoning again.

It was a valiant effort on her part. It really was. Especially since I'd only known Rosalie for a couple weeks, the fact that she was even attempting to look concerned was nice, given what I'd been told about her.

Rosalie flipped her model-like hair out of her eyes and sighed. "Well, if this is really what you want to do…"

"Yes, this is really what I want to do." I reaffirmed.

This was really happening. It was the only way to deal with the problem.

And what a fucking problem it was.

I suppose I could have worse things to deal with. Like a drug and alcohol problem…like Edward. Or a weight problem. That would probably majorly suck. But in the scope of my world, _this _was a major issue. I could not spend the rest of my time in this god-forsaken town with a problem like this. And I was going to take care of it even if it meant doing something I hadn't done since I was ten.

So with Alice and Rosalie trudging behind me, I pushed through the doors to meet my fate. The receptionist smiled up at us from the desk, completely unaware of the shit that was about to go down.

"Hello. Can I help you?" She asked, twirling the pen in her hand.

I gulped.

Be strong. Be strong. This is the only way.

"Yes. I need a haircut."

* * *

The problem came to my attention earlier that day in the middle of English class. I was minding my own business, trying to scribble down everything Ms. Brandon was saying about the possibility of Heathcliff benefiting from some major counseling, very much like Forks' resident asshole sitting right next to me. He was scribbling just as fast as I was, if not faster, and I have to admit, I was still reeling with shock that someone could be such a jock and do so well in school at the same time. I mean, who would've thought, right?

I was right in the middle of writing that Heathcliff was a borderline sociopath when a piece of paper was shoved roughly at me.

I attempted to hide my frustrated groan but that definitely didn't work. The note was obviously from Edward and although sending snippy notes back and forth during class was sometimes a pretty fucking fun way to pass class time when we had nothing better to do, now was not the time. This was good stuff and I didn't really care what he wanted. If anything, he should've been listening _very _closely.

He nudged the paper into my hand again and I finally looked up from my notebook, only to see him smirking at me.

Fine. Whatever.

Ripping my attention away from the pretty engaging discussion going on in class at that moment, I sighed and opened the note.

_Newton's staring at you._

Immediately, my head whipped to my left. Sure enough, fucking Mike Newton was staring at me. Panting after me was probably more accurate. I turned back to face Edward, who was biting his lip but his shaking shoulders gave him away. Fucking asshole. Always laughing at someone else's expense.

Shaking my head, I scribbled a quick response.

_He's fucking creepy._

Edward skimmed it quickly and nodded before writing back.

_He keeps licking his lips too. It's pretty sad._

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry about that one.

_I hate Newton. And I hate you too._

His eyebrows rose immediately after reading my response. He looked at me for a second and then went to work on his next response.

_What did I do? I was trying to help._

_How the fuck was that helping?_

_Idk._

_Fuck you._

_Nope, not going to happen. _

_Are you high?_

_Nope, but it sounds like fun._

How do you respond to such idiocy? For someone so fucking smart, he was sure fucking stupid sometimes. All I could do was my very best so I scribbled something and shoved the note back at him.

_So if you really want to help me, do something about Newton then._

His shoulders started shaking even more after reading that one.

_And what do you suggest I do?_

_Defend my honor, you asshole._

_Wow. Such language. Besides, why would I want to defend your honor?_

_Because you don't like Newton either._

_True. What's in it for me?_

Ugh. I should've known.

_You can make him look like an idiot. _

_I don't have to defend your honor to do that._

_Can you at least find out what his malfunction is?_

_Fine._

And just like that, class was over. Saved by the fucking bell.

As the day went on, I began to notice that this problem was bigger than just Mike Newton. In Pre-Calc, Tyler Crowley was leaning a little bit too closely to me, despite Eric's constant badgering of him to leave me the hell alone. But it was more than that too. I was starting to notice…in the library, at lunch, in class, in the hallways…guys were staring at me. What the fuck? And more pressingly, why the hell hadn't I noticed this before?

I needed answers and it was all I could do to wait until school was over to find out the hell was going on. But, wonders never cease, Edward wasn't at his fucking locker. Apparently, asking him to do _one _thing for me was too much to ask. So I hightailed it to the team locker room in a futile attempt to catch him before he headed in to do God knows what. They had a game tonight (since it was Friday and all) and I knew as soon as he was in the locker room, there was no way I was getting him to come out.

After almost five whole minutes of waiting, I caved and texted the mother fucker.

_Where r u?_

Ugh. If he was already in the locker room, he probably wasn't going to respond.

Then God threw me a bone as I saw Jasper coming down the hallway and headed straight for me. Thank you, Jesus. I officially love you.

"Bella? What are you doing?" Jasper called out to me as he jogged over to me.

"Um…have you seen Edward?" I asked nervously.

His eyebrows flew into his forehead immediately. "You're looking for Edward? Since when do you guys get along?"

"Since never," I snipped. "But I need to talk to him…he was supposed to do something for me…"

His mouth opened a little as he shifted his gym bag on his shoulder. "Alright. Don't really want to know. Just give me a second, I'll see if I can get him out here."

Thank God for Jasper. Scratch every negative thought I'd ever had about him. Jasper was a fucking saint. I loved him. In a purely platonic way. But I loved him.

He disappeared into the locker room and there was some instantaneous yelling and whooping. Within a few minutes, Edward was pushing open the door with a wide grin on his face. Fuck.

"Hello, Bella…let me guess…you want the dirt, huh?" He was still smiling as he crossed him arms over his chest. It was then…unfortunately…that I become instantly aware that he was only wearing a pair of shorts. Fuck, he was ripped. Oh shit. This was not a good image to have in my head. Not all. I wasn't sure whether to pounce on him or close my eyes so I wouldn't have to be tortured anymore. What a problem to have.

"Just give it to me so I can get out of here." I spat. I was way too distracted by the sight of a bare-chested Assward to mess around.

"Interesting choice of words but that's beside the point…anyways, so I talked to the little fucker and apparently, he wants to fuck your brains out and touch your hair."

Excuse me?

I barely knew how to respond to that. "What?"

His smile only got wider and he had to cover his mouth to keep from bursting with it.

"This. Is. Not. Fucking. Funny. You asshole!" I yelled.

He held up his hands defensively. "What? I was just telling you what he told me."

"My hair though?"

He laughed again and nodded. "You heard me. Something about it being better than Gisele's and…"

He trailed off as Emmett and Jasper came barreling out of the locker room, laughing their heads off.

"Bella! You'll never believe what Crowley just said about you!" Emmett was roaring through his laughter.

"Yeah…and then Newton shoved him into a locker because he 'saw you first'! It was fucking priceless!" Jasper managed to get out in between laughs.

I huffed and put my hands on my hips. "I don't see what's so fucking funny about this. This is complete bullshit."

Emmett frowned and leaned an elbow on my shoulder. "Come on, Bells…you have to admit it's a little funny."

I shook my head. "No, Emmett, there is absolutely nothing funny about this. Do you know that almost every fucking guy except for you three idiots in this school has been eye-fucking me since I walked into this fucking school?"

All three doubled over with laughter.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? Wear a hat to school everyday? This is fucking bullshit!"

More laughter. Emmett was even pounding his fists into the wall he was laughing so hard.

"Come on, Bella. It's not like you can really do anything about it. They'll get over it eventually and leave you alone." Edward reasoned in a weak attempt to calm me.

God, things must be really bad if _he _was trying to make me feel better.

There was only one thing I could do to end the madness.

"See you guys later." I called out to them as I turned on my heel and headed down the hallway with a mission.

"You ladies are still coming to our game, right, Bells?" Emmett called after me.

"Yeah, sure!" I waved as I ran to hunt down Rosalie and Alice.

It was time to nip this problem in the bud.

* * *

"You know, I actually really like it." Rosalie mused as the three of us stared into the mirror.

"Yeah…it's so cute!" Alice chimed in while she fluffed the back of my hair with a comb.

I have to admit, the whole thing had been a little more traumatizing then I was expecting. After all, I was used to having hair down to the middle of my back. I was in for a major adjustment that was for sure.

When I was sitting the hairstylist's chair, I clammed up as soon as she asked me what I wanted her to do. I hadn't actually given it much thought I just knew I needed it gone. I hadn't really thought about an actual _style_. Thankfully, Alice took charge and started giving the stylist directions as she snipped away at the hair I'd been growing out since I was ten. But it needed to be done. It was really the only way to get all the assholes at school to leave me the fuck alone.

To be completely honest, I was still in shock. My hair had been chopped to my shoulders, with the ends in front a little bit longer than the rest of my hair…something Alice had ordered the stylist to do, thankfully…and it really did look good. It hung smooth and straight and whatever Alice had just put on it made it really shiny. The more I looked at it, the more I liked it. But still, this was a huge change...

It was probably the most impulsive thing I'd ever done. And that was saying a lot.

"Just think of how much fun you can have with this, Bella!" Alice chirped behind me.

"It _almost_ makes me want to cut my hair too…" Rosalie said quietly. "Almost." She added with a smile.

"Well, we'd better get out of here so we can show this off…this game's probably already started!" Alice squealed as she practically leapt out of the bathroom. I could already hear her flying down the stairs.

"God forbid she should miss any of Jasper's pitches…" Rosalie mumbled under her breath as we followed Alice.

"I know. Things are really starting to progress between those two though." I offered.

Alice was already in Rosalie's car with a stricken look on her face.

"Your hair really does look good, Bella. I hope it works." Rosalie said quietly to me as she opened her car door.

Wow, Rosalie was definitely not the girl I thought she was. It was kind of amazing to think that if I hadn't gotten to know her the way I did, I would probably still think she was nothing but a supermodel ice queen.

By the time we were walking to the baseball diamond, I was really starting to feel like the problem had been resolved. With my hair gone, there was nothing more for those idiots to eye-fuck me about anymore. I had taken away the thing they liked most about me so…my hope was that they would just leave me the hell alone now and move on to the next sorry victim.

As we neared the bleachers, the boys were running onto the field while the other team's batter swung a few practice swings by home plate.

Edward was closest to where we were walking and as he jogged out to his spot in between second and third base, he caught sight of us and waved.

Then he completely froze and just stared at me. Even when we had past him and were sitting in the bleachers, he was still staring at me. Even when Jasper threw the pitch, he was still staring at me. Even when the batter swung, he was still staring at me.

Why the fuck was Edward Cullen staring at me?

He was still staring at me when the batter hit a line drive straight at him, smacking him right in the upper thigh with a sick pop.

"Oh fuck!" Rosalie gasped out.

Edward yelled out a string of profanities as he crumbled to the ground, gripping his thigh with the most pain-induced grimace on his face I'd ever seen. He rolled around a few times until the trainer got to him.

"Shit…that looked like it really hurt." Alice muttered.

My hand just flew to my mouth in shock.

"Yeah, he's really going to have to drink like a fish tonight to make the pain go away." Rosalie continued with a chuckle.

"What's new?" Alice added.

Rosalie leaned into her as she cracked up and Alice covered her mouth so the players on the field couldn't hear her. That did it. I couldn't help but feel like Edward's little mishap was somehow my fault but that couldn't stop me from laughing my ass off at the hilarity of the situation. The scene just kept replaying over and over again in my head and that only made me laugh even harder.

The whole thing was pretty fucking funny.

Emmett had his hands on his knees with his head in between his legs. I could see his shoulders shaking even from where we were sitting. Even Jasper, who was normally very controlled with his emotions, was biting his lip. Edward, on the other hand, was still on the ground, probably trying to be as manly as possible by not crying out in pain while the trainer looked at his leg.

After ten minutes, they finally carried Edward off the field.

If it had been anyone else, I would have been concerned. I would have felt bad. But since it was Edward…it was just funny.

A couple hours later, I remembered why I hated baseball. It was boring as shit. The ninth inning finally came to a close and we jumped down from the bleachers while the teams shook hands. Edward was still in the dugout, probably crying from the pain and from missing a game. Poor baby.

I trailed after Alice and Rosalie, who ran up to their respective men to congratulate them on their win.

"Hey, how's the invalid doing?" I asked as soon as I made it up to them.

Emmett grinned widely while Rosalie hung on his arm. "He'll live…he just doesn't feel too good right now."

"But he's still throwing a party tonight though, right?" Alice asked worriedly.

Since when was she worried whether or not her cousin would be able to have a party? Oh right. Since Jasper was finally starting to show some interest in her. And she was probably hoping that the mixture of alcohol and loud music would lead to some dancing and some sexy times.

"Oh yeah," Jasper answered as he swung an arm around her shoulders. "He needs to drink tonight more than ever I think."

"Oh God." I rolled my eyes. "That's probably all he needs. Just don't let him mix too much alcohol with all the painkillers he's probably going to get."

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "Since when do you care?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Someone's got to keep an eye on him, I guess."

Emmett cocked an eyebrow at me. "Well, since you're going to be there anyways, Bells, _you_ can baby-sit him."

Fuck.

Insert foot in mouth.

Jasper and Emmett were already starting to walk away when Jasper turned back to me.

"Oh and Bella? Like the new 'do." He said with a wink.

"Yeah, Bella…pretty fucking hot." Emmett called as they made their way back to the team.

I had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

Edward's mansion of a house was thumping with music like any other typical Friday night when we walked through the front door. Very much like the first party I'd been to, it was practically lined with people.

But this time, when I was in hallway, people just turned and stared at me. This was probably not a good sign.

"Wow, Bella! I love your new haircut!" Someone said to me as we passed through.

"It looks great!" Someone else yelled over the music.

But it was the guys that unnerved me. They were openly staring more than they had been when it was long. Not good.

Just walking down the hallway, heads were turning left and right. This was not at all the effect I had been going for. Not at fucking all.

Shit.

We finally made it into the living room when Emmett's voice came booming through the room.

"Rose! Alice! Bells! You made it! Get the hell over here…you're just in time!" He yelled, waving his hands for his to go over by him.

Rosalie took charge and blazed the trail as she pushed her way through mass of people that had crowded around the bar. There was obviously some kind of commotion going on and whatever it was, if Emmett was involved, it probably wasn't good. And probably pretty dangerous too.

When we were finally to the bar, it was obvious what was going on.

Edward, looking drunk out of his mind, was leaning onto Jasper, who was trying to help him stand up. Emmett gripped his other forearm and was helping him to the front of the bar.

"Alright, everyone. This is the moment we've all been waiting for! Who wants to see Edward's bruise?" Emmett boomed.

Everyone surrounding us cheered. I just smacked my forehead with my hand. Rosalie groaned next to me and Alice just shook her head.

"Sometimes, I really don't know why I'm with him." Rosalie muttered to me.

Edward was standing in front of the bar now. He balanced himself on his good leg, with Jasper's help, and much to my dismay, he managed to somehow unbutton his jeans and pull his pants down to reveal a massive black and blue swollen welt on his thigh. I could even see little indents from the stitching on the baseball on his thigh.

But it was the fact that Edward Cullen was standing right in front of me with his pants down that really got to me. Edward Cullen was fucking wearing boxer briefs. And black ones to boot. I wasn't even going to let myself think about the bulge that was protruding from said black boxer briefs. Not even going to go there.

A loud cheer erupted from the crowd surrounding him as he did a couple of drunkenly awkward poses to show off his battle scar. Several girls were reaching out to touch him but Emmett slapped their hands away.

"Save it for later, ladies. On second thought, maybe sooner rather than later cuz I think my boy's going to pass out soon."

He smacked Edward on the back, which made him wobble a little, causing Emmett to reach out and steady him.

The crowd around the bar was starting to disperse a little so I took the opportunity to duck behind it to make myself a drink. I was reaching for the bottle of Malibu when I saw Edward come around the bar and set his crutches against the edge of the bar. He leaned his elbows on the bar before looking up at me with a big goofy grin on his face.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he slurred. "How you doing tonight?"

He was so drunk I had to laugh.

"I'll be better when I get a drink."

He frowned and hobbled a little bit closer to get a better look at what I was doing.

"Well, shit…you didn't put enough booze in that cup. Here," he motioned for the bottle. "Let me help you with that."

I quickly shook my head. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

He waved that off and poured a generous amount into my cup and kept pouring until I yanked the bottle away from him.

"I think that's enough…thanks."

"Don't mention it." He smiled as he opened a can of Diet Coke and poured it into my cup.

When he was done, he pushed it towards me. "There you go. It's perfect now."

I took a hesitant sip and gagged. Shit, that was strong. Too strong for anyone to actually drink, let alone someone that was already pretty sober to begin with.

"So I see you attempted to solve your problem…" Edward was slurring again as he gripped the edge of the bar for support.

"Yeah, it was kind of spur of the moment thing."

"Well, I for one, think it's pretty slammin'."

"Slammin'?"

He nodded with that goofy lop-sided grin on his face again. "You heard me. Slammin'…I like it."

"Uh…thanks, I guess."

He tipped his beer to me and took a long gulp from the bottle. There was a long awkward silence then and I shifted uncomfortably with my drink in hand. Neither one of us really seemed to know what to say to the other. It wasn't like we were friends or anything but for some reason, I felt a strange sense of responsibility to make sure he didn't fall face first into my drink.

"So…" I started shakily. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, considering I'm doped up and drunk as fuck, I'd say pretty damn good."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Shit…I told them not to let you drink so much."

He frowned. "Why?"

"Because alcohol and painkillers are a bad combination. Someone probably should've capped out your drinks a long time ago."

He swayed a little and my arm shot out to steady him.

"You know…come to think of it, I'm starting to feel pretty weird…I think I need to lay down."

"Alright…do you want me to find Emmett or Jasper for you?"

He glanced around the room before shaking his head. "Nah…let 'em have their fun. Mind giving me a hand though?"

Well, considering all this was indirectly my fault anyway, I figured I owed him that much.

"Sure, why not?"

He swung an arm around my shoulders to get his balance and then we started inching towards the stairs. Thankfully, people saw us coming and got the hell out of the way before we plowed them over. When we were at the foot of the stairs, I have to admit, just staring up at it seemed like a fucking daunting task. And somehow, I had to get Drunkward up all those steps and safely into his room in one piece. Shit, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to make it up there in one piece. It was kind of like asking a blind man to give across the country and expect him not to get in an accident. Not going to happen.

"You know, you can be pretty cool when you want to be." Edward was slurring as we took the first step.

"Oh yeah? I guess you can be too…thanks for the recon work for me earlier today by the way."

"Is that what provoked the sudden chop chop?" He made scissor motions with his free hand and almost tripped us both the process.

"Watch it there, killer. We don't want to fall down the stairs now, do we?"

"Fuck no! Do you have any idea how much that would fuck up my leg?"

"More than it already is?"

"Fuck yes!"

He was pretty funny when he was wasted. I was beginning to wish he was like that all the time. He'd definitely be more pleasant to be around.

We had finally made it up all the way and were about to cross into the safe zone when his foot tangled with mine and we went tumbling into the hallway.

"Aw fuck! My fucking leg!"

Apparently, I had landed directly on top of him and managed to knee him right in his bruise. Go figure. I quickly scrambled off his chest and reach over to help his drunk ass up.

"Sorry."

He just swung an arm around my shoulders again and we continued our awkward ambling to his bedroom. Now, I'd never been in his room before. I hadn't ever really given it much thought and was actually a little proud of the fact that I had no idea what it looked like. Or what it felt like to lay in his bed.

Now all that was going to be shot to hell too.

Oh well.

When Edward collapsed on the bed, almost pulling me down with him, I looked around nervously, unsure of what I was supposed to do next.

"Um…do you need anything?"

He lifted his head from the bed to look at me. "Some ice would be fucking fantastic actually."

"Ice ice baby, it is then."

I sprinted down the stairs and was surprised that for the most part, the party seemed to be winding down already. I was fishing around in the freezer for ice when someone poked me in the shoulder.

I whipped around to see Emmett, of course, smiling down at me.

"Running errands for my boy?"

"I'm just getting him some ice."

He nodded. "Uh huh, I can see that."

He was still smiling at me.

"What?"

Now he just shrugged. "So you're going to make sure my boy's alright tonight, then?"

"Yeah, someone has to, I guess."

He slapped a hand on my shoulder. "That's my girl. Now, I'm going to go have some fun with Rose. Catch ya later!"

"Hey wait! Where's Alice? How am I supposed to get home?"

But, of course, he had already disappeared.

By the time I made it back up the stairs, Edward was still lying on his bed but now his eyes were closed. I immediately dropped the bag of ice I was holding and jumped onto the bed.

"Edward! Wake the fuck up! I don't know much about this stuff but I know you probably shouldn't be sleeping just yet!"

I bounced on the bed a little until he started and shot up before grabbing his thigh.

"Shit…fuck…that did not feel good." He exhaled, wincing.

I handed over the ice. "This'll probably help."

"Thanks."

He gingerly set the bag on his thigh, taking a sharp breath in when the ice met his skin.

Yes. He had taken off his pants during the time I'd been gone.

Edward Cullen was lying in his bed. With his pants off. And I was in the same room.

Fuck my life.

"So is it working?"

His voice yanked me out of my thoughts.

"Hm?"

He laughed and scooted towards the side of the bed to make a little room for me. He patted the edge lightly and against my better judgment, I sat down.

"Is it working?"

"Is what working?"

He gestured to my hair. "Your little plan."

"How did you know?"

He laughed. "Come on, Bella. I may be ignorant but I'm not stupid. It's pretty obvious why you cut your hair today. At least to me. Which by the way, in case I haven't told you yet, it looks really nice."

Wow. Did he just give me a compliment? What the hell was going on today?

"Uh…thanks. But actually, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure that it really has been. When I walked in here earlier, I think guys were staring at me even more than they were before."

"So it backfired on you then?" He laughed.

I blew out a breath. "I think so."

"Yeah, as soon as I saw you earlier today, I figured that was going to be the case."

I decided it was best to just sidestep that comment. "You seem to be sobering up a little."

He laughed again and ran a hand through his hair as he shifted the ice on his leg. "Well, I guess severe pain does that to you."

We were both silent for a few moments after that. He was playing with the edge of the bag and I was desperately trying to not look at his boxer briefs. I now officially loved boxer briefs.

After the long awkward silence, I figured it was time to leave.

"Well," I said, getting up. "I should probably head out."

"Come on, Bella. It's two in the morning. Everyone's gone. If Alice and Rosalie are still here, they're not going to want to take you home anytime soon and I'm in no condition to drive you so you might as well just crash here tonight."

He had a point.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, feeling a little surprised at how much hair I _didn't _have.

"Alright…I guess I'll just go find an empty room to crash in."

I was turning to leave but his voice stopped me. "Bella…don't go…you can just stay here."

"You mean…like…"

His hands shot up in defense. "You can take the bed. I'll just take the floor or something."

"God, Edward. I'm not going to let you sleep on the floor. This is your room and especially not with your leg…you should be sleeping somewhere comfortable tonight."

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Well, how about this? How about we both sleep on the floor?"

Considering that the only other option besides the ones already mentioned was both of us sleeping in his bed, I figured this was the safest choice. I would probably still feel guilty about him sleeping on the floor but since I got the impression that he wasn't going to give in, I didn't really have any other appealing options.

So I sighed in surrender and flopped down on the floor. A pillow and blanket were tossed down to me and within seconds, Edward had lowered himself next to me, until we were laying in opposite directions on the floor.

A few more minutes passed when Edward's soft voice came floating across to me.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

He paused for a second. "What's the story behind the zero tolerance policy? I mean, like, the whole thing…there's got to be a reason…"

Huh. Who would've thought he would actually be interested? Well, here goes nothing.

"Well…there's a lot of reasons actually. All the guys I was ever with in Phoenix were all the same…"

"Same as in all they wanted to do was get laid?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said with a smile, even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"Yeah, I know those guys."

I just laughed and continued with my story. "Anyways…there was just kind of a revolving door of assholes…they never called when they said they would, never seemed to care too much about me...all because I gave it up too soon. Sure, I started dating them eventually…but most of the time, the first time I ever hooked up with any of them, there definitely wasn't a solid relationship there. God…just saying that out loud makes me feel like a slut."

"You're not a slut."

"You really think I'm not like all the other girls that jump on your dick around here?"

He laughed out loud at that. "Well, I don't exactly know what you were like in Phoenix, but you most definitely the complete opposite of all those girls. You're the only one, besides Alice and Rosalie of course, who hasn't done that. It's kind of nice actually."

"What do you mean?"

"It's cool that you don't give a shit, you know? Sure, it pissed me off as hell when you acted the way you did the night we met…but at least you know what you want. Most girls don't really think about shit like that, you know?"

Well, this was an interesting development.

Another awkward pause.

"So how many guys are we talking about here?" He asked quietly.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"No fucking way."

"Fine, then…but I will say that there are two that stick out in my memory as being kind of important, at least in terms of explaining why I think the way I do. You still doing alright over there?"

Even in the dark, I could see him wave his around in the air. "Keep going, I'm still here."

I nodded. "Well, for starters, I lost my virginity when I was drunk out of my mind at a post-prom party. And I didn't even go to prom because I was a sophomore."

"Shit."

"Yeah, shit is right. I don't remember a lot of it. But what I do remember isn't very good…and then in the morning, I just felt kind of dirty, you know?"

I really had no idea why I was telling him this.

"So it was bad then?" He asked quietly.

"From what I remember…yes…let's just say, he was not very gentle, which fucking sucked for me."

"That sucks…sorry."

"Not your fault. Anyways, after that stellar experience…I ended up with the reputation that I was 'that' girl, you know?"

"Everyone knows that girl."

"Yeah, that was me. It just became more of a pattern than anything. I went to parties, got blasted, hooked up with someone, woke up in the morning and didn't really know where I was, repeat. I didn't particular like it but I guess I didn't really know anything else. Let's see…the other guy, well, this one was actually a boyfriend…also the result of a drunk hook-up but I thought I really liked this one. I was even contemplating the dreaded 'L' word."

"Oh shit." Was the muffled reply.

"Yeah…but every time we had sex…I don't know…something just wasn't right. I mean, I thought I loved him, but there was just nothing with the sex…not that it was bad, necessarily, there just wasn't any…"

"Spark?" He offered.

"Yeah, spark. There wasn't any of that…and I remember thinking, 'I wonder what it's like to have sex with someone I'm actually in love with'. I started thinking that, maybe the drunk hook-up had something to do with it, that if our relationship had started in a less sexually charged way, more sober way, things could've been different. On the other hand, maybe he was just bad in bed. But still, I couldn't help wondering what sex would be like with someone I was in love with…and he definitely didn't help his case when he cried when I broke up with him."

Edward chuckled. "He was probably gay then."

"Uh…I don't know about that but I do know that he sent me crazy clingy texts up until I left Phoenix."

"Which brings us to now, here in Forks?"

I nodded again. "Yeah. I don't want to deal with those type of guys anymore. If they're willing to hook-up with you when you're falling down drunk, they're probably not the kind of guy you'd want to have a relationship with. I guess I just decided that I was due for a fresh start. I don't want to be 'that girl' anymore. I want to be a girl that guys respect and treat well. I don't want to be their fucking doormat anymore."

"Guys respect here, Bella. Probably more than you realize."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"And nobody sees you as 'that girl', just so you know." He continued, his voice surprisingly soft.

I still didn't know how to respond to that so I just kept going. "So…that brings me to my zero tolerance policy. I guess I figured the next guy that gets in better be fucking special, you know? He's probably going to have to work pretty hard to get in because I'm not letting just anyone in anymore. It's time to be choosy and there's no time like the present."

He was silent for a moment and for a while, I thought he had fallen asleep.

"You know," he began quietly. "I'm probably going to regret telling you this tomorrow but since I'm drunk and we're all about sharing tonight…you should probably know that that night we met, when we were talking in the hallway…you remember?"

As if I could forget.

"Yeah, I remember."

"You know how I asked you if you wanted to find an empty bedroom?"

As if I could forget.

"Yeah."

"Well, if you had let me finish, I would've told you that I just really liked talking to you and wanted to keep talking to you somewhere quiet where I could actually hear everything you were saying…because I really wanted to hear what you were saying."

I felt a little tug on my heart and turned my head to try to see him but it was too dark.

"I didn't know that."

He was silent for a moment. "Well…now you know."

"I'm sorry I flipped out on you."

"I'm sorry I've been a dick. Thanks for taking care of me tonight, by the way."

"You're welcome."

I heard a soft yawn next to me and felt one coming on myself.

"Well, night Bella."

"Goodnight Edward."

That night, I got the best night's sleep I'd had since moving to Forks. On the floor. With Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Well, if that's not a step in the right direction, I don't know what is. Let me know what you think!!**


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